One of the most consistently funny Halloween-themed episodes of television I’ve ever watched is “Halloween” (original title!), a season two episode of New Girl. I can watch this episode over and over again, and the big haunted house sequence still gives me belly chuckles. Warning: do not watch the TV spot if you are anti-spoilers!
TV SPOT
OBSERVATIONS
College Nick is one of my favorite Nicks. I am so happy that the episode starts with a flashback. One involving a guitar even.
Dig that sexy drug rug.
Jess is working at a haunted house, which sounds like a dream job to me. I don’t understand why the guys are hating on it. You get to dress up every night and scare the shit out of children (and sometimes grown men). What job could possibly be better than that?
I’ve never watched very much Woody Allen but Schmidt’s impression seems pretty spot on from the little that I have seen. “These brains are terrible! And such, such small portions.”
Nick is attracted to sexy, undead driver’s ed teachers. Who would have known that he such an exotic and highly specific “sweet spot”?
Jess thinks Sam doesn’t care what she looks like because she isn’t his girlfriend. I’m pretty sure he would especially care what you look like if the relationship is purely sexual. And please never use “mix his batter” as a metaphor for sex ever again.
Never again.
Dr. Sam is a doctor! A hot children’s doctor. With a secret fishtail handshake for his patients. And that little bit of information is enough to melt Jess’s underpants, and possibly the underpants of every woman in the world.
Underpants melter. Also, please notice the weird disembodied baby head near the top of the wall.
Who would take relationship advice from Schmidt? So far he has had a horrible, mostly one-sided relationship with Cece and that’s pretty much it. Want some real advice? Never take advice from Schmidt.
Schmidt is going as young Abraham Lincoln for Halloween. Husband has been joking about getting an Abe Lincoln costume this year. At least, I sincerely hope he’s joking. Contrary to what Schmidt may think, our sixteenth president inspires nothing below the belt.
Nick’s alter ego (the guy who woke up from a coma thinking he had invented pie) is so much more fun than the drunken alter egos of my college peers. I like to think that this involved him also baking a lot of pies in his dorm. That would be sexy.
Robbie is dressing as a ninja turtle for Halloween! And Jess is sewing his costume for him! I love that he’s kind of a big kid. And a big dork. A big, dorky kid.
Nice pants dude.
How did Robbie cut himself on a pumpkin? I was really hoping for a flashback when he mentioned that one because I cannot even begin to picture the mechanics. I’m tempted to Google “man cutting himself on pumpkin” to see if anything pops up.
I’m pretty bored with the Amelia plot line from the second she starts eating his face kissing him. She’s just staying for a few days, right?
My feelings exactly.
Winston should know better than to try and touch another man’s gun! This is one of those times when I think Winston may be touched in the head.
Shelby’s idea of a sexy costume is to pin stuffed animals to a cape. Either she’s been taking fashion tips from Lady Gaga circa 2009 or is a five year old. One of those things.
Nick’s costume is so fabulous and pun-filled. I feel sad for everyone who didn’t get it and sad that Bea Arthur isn’t still alive to see it.
Nick’s metaphor wherein haunted houses are representative of relationships is very telling. Amelia has perfect timing with her psycho pumpkin family portrait. Don’t tell a guy you want to get a dog with him when you’ve had sex once. Even Schmidt would agree with that.
Schmidt has costumes for Purim. A quick Google search tells me that this isn’t as weird as it sounds. According to Wikipedia, masquerading is a large part of the Purim celebration. The photos I saw involved a large number of women wearing brightly colored tutus so I can only imagine what Schmidt’s costumes look like. New Girl writers- please introduce this in a later episode.
The second best bit of physical humor in the episode (and possibly the show) is Robbie stopping Schmidt from headbutting him. Words cannot describe how much I laughed the first time I saw this.
Jess gets relationship advice from Frankenstein and a mummy. And they give good advice. Way better than Schmidt.
Wouldn’t it be fun to play therapist to a zombie in a haunted house?
Dr. Sam is texting a “weekend thing”. I know they are in an open relationship but it makes him seem so skeevy.
Nick faces his fears and enters the haunted house to tell Jess that Sam wants a casual thing. He really is the best friend a girl could ever have. A typical guy would either a) ignore what Sam said as none of his business, or b) pretend he didn’t hear what Sam said so Jess would end up breaking things off later that night and he could swoop in.
Nick’s scream when he sees the clown is my absolute favorite thing in this episode. I am terrified of clowns and would probably do the same thing.
I love that Shelby calls Winston out for having a mustache glued on over his mustache. Ridiculous.
Nick can’t take the people jumping out at him and he does what I did in the last haunted house I was in: take a swing at the performer. Only this performer is Jess and he made contact with her face.
I like that Sam plays doctor and takes care of Jess after Nick punches her in the face. I’ll be sad to see him go (spoiler alert!) until Christmas.
Schmidt has a Plan B costume: Matthew McConaughey in Magic Mike. And Robbie is very impressed. Who wouldn’t be? Here’s a REALLY crappy video of it:
I like it even better when Nick comforts Jess post-breakup. Except it’s not really a breakup if you were never dating to begin with. Still, Nick is super sweet. BFF.
COSTUME WATCH
Jess as zombie Woody Allen
Nick as Bee Arthur
Robbie as a ninja turtle, Cece as an angel, and Schmidt as Abraham Lincoln
Winston as a cop and Shelby as reigning cats and dogs
QUOTABLES
SCHMIDT: “Nick, where do you even buy sheets like this? They have the thread count of a paper towel.”
SAM: “Nice kid but she can’t draw for crap. She just traced Bugs Bunny.”
SCHMIDT: “Without sex, she’s not your girlfriend. Okay? She’s a friend that you buy meals for.”
SCHMIDT: “What am I looking at here? Robbie, man to man, you didn’t want to wear something a little more form-flattering, maybe like a pile of towels? Or the number 8? I know! But how could I not knock down such low hanging fruit?”
SCHMIDT: “You like charity, don’t you Robbie? Like Cece dating you.”
NICK: “High five for sluts!”
WINSTON: “Those stuffed animals are going to look good on the floor of my bedroom.”
NICK: “I didn’t punch a girl. I punched a horrifying monster. You of all people should know this, Frankenstein!”
NICK: “What’s up with the way you kiss? It’s like reverse CPR.”
ROBBIE: “Wow. I mean, look at his thighs. They’re like fleshy tree trunks. Whoa, he really knows how to work a crowd. His thighs are like the size of my head.”
longagoand ohsofaraway 