Everyone that knows me knows I love to sing. I sing in the shower, in the car, at work, around the house. Basically everywhere. Loudly. It’s no fun if it isn’t loud. My friends also know that I’m sometimes a fan of getting drunk. Not drunk like a college freshman, but enough that my decision-making skills might be slightly less than 100%.
When I combine my singing with my drunkenness, amazing/horrible things start to happen. The amazingness: any modicum of shyness I may have is alleviated and I have a willingness to try any song, even if I don’t know the words. The horribleness: I will often sing the songs to which I know all the words (R. Kelly is prominent) and I’m either not good at reading my audience or too drunk to care. This leads to inappropriate singing.
OPPORTUNITY #1
My first inappropriate singing experience (in the last six months) happened during the week leading up to Labor Day weekend. My roommate and I were making a Welcome to Maine sign for some friends of hers that were visiting from out of town. I thought this would be an excellent chance to get hammered on Shipyard Pumpkinhead (aka THE BEST BEER EVER). While I made a kick-ass sign, I also made the decision to sing the song “Careless Whisper”. To my female roommate. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the song, I have included a video. Not of me singing, but of Wham!
If you can’t watch the video, here are some choice lyrics:
What am I without your love?
Tonight the music seems so loud,
I wish that we could lose this crowd.
Maybe it’s better this way,
We’d hurt each other with the things we want to say.
We could have been so good together,
We could have lived this dance forever
But now, who’s gonna dance with me?
Please stay.
And now it’s never gonna be
That way
Maybe you can see why this wasn’t the best choice, musically. Lucky for me, she was good-natured about it and continues to live with me for some unfathomable reason.
OPPORTUNITY #2
My second bout of inappropriate singing came in December. I drank a bunch of whiskey while wrapping Christmas gifts for my love ones. I also called up my bestie for a chat. Now, bestie and I frequently get drunk and sing together. “Boyz In the Hood” is one of our jams. This time I was flying solo and had the perfect song to serenade my BBF with: “Teenage Dream” as sung by Darren Criss on “Glee”. That’s right, I watch “Glee”. Suck it. Anyway, I had recently heard this version and became mildly obsessed with it:
I had been practicing singing it in my car, oh about one million times. This was my perfect opportunity to show off what I had been working on. So I sang my best friend a song about wanting to put my hands on her in her skin-tight jeans. Quite frankly, it was ridiculous. She doesn’t even wear skin-tight jeans! She is also insanely good-natured and laughed through the entire “performance”. It is now an inside joke between us (or it was until I shared it with anyone who read this).
OPPORTUNITY #3
They say to save the best for last and this one is certainly the most embarrassing. Again, whiskey happened. This time the phone call I placed wasn’t to my best friend but to my eighteen year old brother. He recently moved from Maine to Florida and I hadn’t seen him for about two months so I thought I’d call him to catch up. Because I’m me, this quickly evolved into my singing a medley of greatest R&B hits of the 90’s. This included the following:
“I Wanna Sex You Up” by Color Me Badd
“Feelin’ On Yo Booty” by R. Kelly
“Bump and Grind” by R. Kelly
“Poison” by Bell Biv DeVoe
“Get It On Tonite” by Montell Jordan
“No Diggity” by BlackStreet
I almost died of embarrassment typing that list out. I’d like to clarify that I was not singing TO Matty as much as I was singing while on the phone with him. But it’s like they say: “Look at your life, look at your choices.” Definitely not the most sound decision I’ve made. For his part, he just laughed hysterically. He’s the best kind of little brother.
So in summation, I am an embarrassment to myself and probably to my family after they read this. But isn’t being embarrassed kind of great? It reminds you that you’re human.
In further summation, I’m awesome and will continue to sing inappropriately. These were some of the funnest/funniest interactions I’ve had recently and wouldn’t trade it for the world.
I leave you with an amazing video of another fan of “Careless Whisper”. Enjoy.
longagoand ohsofaraway 