Bonnie is walking through the cemetery because she is a creep. She sees a bunch of Bennett witch graves before she comes to a coffin. Klaus appears behind her, telling her that he’s figured out how to open it. He then rushes toward her and bites her. Of course it’s a dream so Bonnie wakes up. But oh shit, she’s inside the coffin! She screams for help and begins spell casting when a mystery woman opens the lid.
Bonnie and Elena are in front of the abandoned witch house where Bonnie is describing her dream(s). It seems she has been having it for days and thinks the witches are responsible. Elena is Elena so she whines about being left in the dark re: hiding Klaus’s coffins. That Elena, she sure has a knack for making everything about her. Just as Bonnie begins to tell her that she thinks the key to killing Klaus is in the mystery coffin, Stefan interrupts girl talk. They argue about whether or not it was right for Bonnie to clue Elena in and Elena takes the opportunity to throw in a jab about Stefan kidnapping her. Bonnie tells Stefan that she knows who can help her open the coffin and she needs Elena help to locate the woman from her dreams- her mother!
Bonnie and Elena retreat to the Gilbert house to look through papers that may help them find Bonnie’s mom. Elena has asked the sheriff’s office to give her all the information they can on EVERY SINGLE Abby Bennett in the nation. That is insane. How much information can the sheriff’s office give a teenage girl? I know she has special pull with Liz so I’m sure she was given all sorts of illegal info, but I wonder how much they can give out legally.
Bonnie thanks Elena for her help despite the small rift that Jeremy’s compulsion/departure caused between them. They have a sweet moment of sisterhood where Elena assures her that nothing is more important than finding her mother, if that’s what she really wants. Bonnie doesn’t sound super enthused to see her mom but knows it’s the key to opening the coffin and getting rid of Klaus. Damon comes to the rescue, entering the Gilbert house to tell them that he has tracked her mother to North Carolina. The power of compulsion wins again! Damon tries to call shotgun on the road trip to find Abby but Elena shoots him down. She pretends like it’s for Bonnie but it’s really because she’s still feeling weird about their kiss. A fact that Damon is happy to share with Bonnie. No secret is safe in Mystic Falls.
Caroline enters her living room where Tyler is waiting to apologize for almost killing her. He tells her that he lost all control despite telling Klaus he wouldn’t bite her. So he called her dad (!) to come help. Bill has mastered resisting compulsion without the use of vervain and he’s going to try to help Tyler break the sire bond. Something tells me this may end up disastrous.
Ric and Meredith are getting cozy while sharing a drink at the Mystic Grill. Mer has to leave to start her shift at the hospital so Ric asks her on a dinner date. Is it just me or does it feel like there hasn’t been a whole lot of time since Jenna died? Meredith leaves and Damon appears, curious about Ric’s new friend. He insists she must have some sort of damage because duh! female in Mystic Falls. Ric insists that he is looking for “red flags” seeing as her ex referred to her as a psycho case. Can we just take a second to recognize the fact that no one says “psycho case”? Nice try though writers. Damon cracks wise about all of Ric’s exes being dead and I have a major sad over Jenna once more. She may not have been perfect, but she was the closest thing to normal Mystic Falls had to offer. RIP. While still discussing Meredith, who is about as exciting as wallpaper glue, Ric mentions that her ex is the medical examiner and Damon surprises him by sharing that what a coincidence! The medical examiner is recently deceased, having been staked in the chest like a vampire. Ric is surprised Meredith didn’t mention the horrific murder during their light-hearted banter, raising what could be another of his red flags. Damon suggests that if he was a cop (be still my beating heart), Dr. Boring would be suspect number one.
Stefan returns to the Salvatore House of Doom and Gloom to find Klaus lounging around, drinking up all the bourbon. Very sexily lounging. He wants to discuss the return of his family (aka the creepy coffins) now that his hybrids have bailed out of town. Stefan, still pretending to be a badass instead of the gooey romantic we all know him to be, suggests that Klaus leave town for several years and try again. As if. Klaus offers to give Stefan one more chance, which he stupidly rebuffs because he’s Stefan. Klaus leaves with a parting shot reminding Stefan about all the friends he’s lost in his quest to make Klaus miserable.
Bonnie and Elena have moved their girl talk to the car, driving to meet the elusive Abby. Bonnie waxes poetic about having no memory of her mother, while Elena refuses to share the details of her kiss with Damon. Bonnie knows that silence = sexy times but before she can wheedle it out of Elena, Stefan calls and interrupts. Elena answers and does a terrible job of lying about being on their way to her family lake house to wait for Liz to give them more of Abby’s addresses. Stefan pressures them to hurry and Elena makes a smart-assed comment about him calling every five minutes, slowing their progress. He hangs up and it turns out he was in the Gilbert house the entire time, creeping on the paper Damon brought with Abby’s address. Don’t the girls need that to know where they are going? I know we live in a world of Tom-Toms and GPS-enabled cell phones but I would think they would want it to verify that they were going to the right address.
Klaus sits in the Mystic Grill, having a chat with his head henchman/hybrid Daniel. Dannny Boy is sitting in a car in a mysterious locale on an errand for Klaus. Upon hanging up, Daniel approaches a house and who answers the door but Abby Bennett. Oh how I wonder what kind of mischief Klaus is up to now.
Bonnie and Elena arrive at Abby’s crazy beautiful, very large farmhouse. Elena calls it “cute” and Bonnie snarks on it being in the middle of nowhere. As if Mystic Falls, Virginia, is a metropolis.
They ring the doorbell and are startled when a young man greets them from the stairs of the porch. Bonnie stares blankly as Elena establishes that the girls are looking for Abby, who isn’t home. Bon attempts to rush off but stops when the man/boy says she looks familiar. She cops to being Abby’s daughter and man/boy Jamie strangely pauses before inviting them inside. The entire exchange is about as comfortable as a colonoscopy.
While Bonnie and Elena sit at the world’s ugliest tablecloth, Jamie offers only the finest in refreshments: orange juice, coconut water, and “mango guava something”. The awkwardness continues as Bonnie asks whether they are related. Thankfully, Abby just banged his dad and took him in after their breakup. He raves about how supportive and awesome Abby has been as his surrogate mother because he is either the dumbest or most thoughtless person alive. The expression of Bonnie’s face is almost enough to make me not hate her. Thankfully Abby herself interrupts the lovefest. Bonnie, of course, introduces herself in the most gauche way possible.
Meanwhile, back in Mystic Falls, Bill chains Tyler up in the cellar while Caroline looks on. Lord, how that sounds like bad fan-fiction. Bill pontificates on the decades of hard work and determination it takes to resist compulsion. He is the first to make the connection between being sired and gratitude. Tyler thinks he owes Klaus for freeing him from the pain of morphing into a wolf every month. So naturally Bill’s plan is to force Tyler to change over and over again until he can handle the pain. Caroline is concerned that he won’t be able to change without the aid of the full moon. Silly Caroline, Ty’s a hybrid now. And Bill is VERY motivated to help him. Even if it means Ty has to break every bone in his body a million times.
Bonnie, Elena, and Abby make lots of awkward small talk while skirting around the elephant in the room: Bonnie is butt-hurt that Abby left her a million years ago. We learn that Elena’s mother Miranda was both sweet and Abby’s BFF. Like mothers, like daughters. Bonnie actually utters the words, “So, you had a daughter and a best friend and you still left?” As if those two things are all a person needs to get by. Abby explains that she left fifteen years ago after a vamp strolled into town looking for Elena. No one could kill said vamp so Abby uses her witchy magic to trap and desiccate him in a crypt in Charlotte. Elena deduces, correctly, that the vampire was Daddy Original, aka Mikael. Abby almost died in the process and lost her powers for good so she remained in North Carolina where she has played Sadie Normal Lady since. Bonnie is pissed that Abby no longer has magic and therefore can’t help them with the coffin. She attempts to storm out but Abby asks her to stay and have a heart to heart.
Elena wanders outside to the decrepit barn to give the Bennett ladies some privacy. You know who isn’t interested in privacy? Stefan, who is now in her face like the fucking creeper that he is.
While Stefan has been stalking Elena, Damon is at Mystic Falls Hospital stalking Meredith. There’s some fun banter about waving to babies but the mood changes once Damon brings up her recently murdered ex. There’s back and forth about her signing off on the examiner’s death as an animal attack but it’s all masking Damon’s true motive- he wants to make sure Meredith is good enough for Ric and not some crazy nutjob (or psycho case). It’s almost touching. While on the defensive, Mer brings up Ric’s recent trip to the ICU and miraculous one-hour healing process. Damon goes to leave and surprise! Meredith stabs him with a syringe of vervain. Shady bitch.
Meredith steals vials of Damon’s blood while his hand awkwardly twitches, leaving before he is able to wake up.
Tyler is too busy being locked up and forced to wolf out to stalk any of the women of Mystic Falls. Caroline asks Bill to give him a breather so he tells her to get out. Tyler seconds that emotion. Are there any non-asshole men in this town? Caroline leaves and Bill begins beating Tyler with an axe. He pretends like he’s doing it out of concern for Care and not because it’s fun to hit werewolves with axes. He threatens to kill Tyler if he doesn’t turn again.
Bonnie and Abby are still going at it back at casa de Bennett-Wilson. Drama levels are high as Abby explains once again how she couldn’t be a mother because she lost her magical powers. Weird how all the other mothers manage to get by just fine. As if there weren’t enough tears, Bonnie takes this opportunity to share that oh, BTW- Grams is dead. They finally get down to brass tacks and Bonnie confesses that she only came here for Abby’s magic. Abby begs Bonnie to let her help despite the fact that all she can bring to the table is knowledge of herbs. You know, because cilantro is totally the cure to defeating Klaus.
Outside Stefan confronts Elena about lying to him. She throws his some sass and he gets so pissed he kicks over a chair! Because damn, high school girls are so infuriating! Jamie comes out of nowhere to investigate the sound. They both try to convince him to go back inside but when that fails, Stefan turns to compulsion. Jamie exits the barn while Elena shrieks about Stefan being a villain. Jamie comes back with a shotgun and, just as Stefan realizes that someone else compelled him, shoots Stefan in the chest.
Bonnie hears the gunshot from inside but is taken down by Abby as she tries to leave. Taken down with herbs. Oh snap.
Damon arrives at Ric’s apartment to both interrupt his workout and tell him that Meredith is a blood thief. Sadly he is not shirtless while lifting weights. Ric is mad that Damon unmasked his new lady friend as a psycho case rather than letting Ric do it himself. Men.
Jamie ties Elena to a post in the barn while Stefan writhes on the ground in pain. I reckon there was some wood in that shotgun. Elena begs to be let go while Abby drags an unconscious Bonnie into her car. Her pleas fall on deaf ears as Jamie leaves to help.
Tyler continues to torture himself by turning, finally getting so angry that he rips the chains out of the walls of the cellar. He warns Bill that the chains won’t hold him so Bill, smartly, tries to peace out. He’s not fast enough and an enraged Tyler-wolf attacks.
Daniel the Hybrid leans in what I hope isn’t suppose to be a sexy manner against a car while Abby drives up. Apparently she was supposed to be getting the location of the coffins out of Bonnie when Jamie shooting Stefan interrupted things. Bonnie gets out of the car in full pout mode, questioning where Elena is and how Abby is preventing her from doing magic. It’s all about the herbs baby. Abby begs Bonnie to tell her where the coffins are so Daniel doesn’t compel Jamie to kill himself. Bonnie refuses so Abby begs while also typing her a secret text message telling her to warn her friends. WTF?
Jamie returns to the barn while Elena tries to cut her ropes on a nail in the post. She begs to be let go and Jamie has a major freak out, not understanding why he shot to begin with Stefan. He threatens to shoot him again if Elena tries anything sneaky. Elena tries to reason with the crazy compelled man, asking who gave him the gun. Jamie says it was a mystery man who told him to shoot anyone that got in the way unless that person was Elena. She frees herself and attacks Jamie, knocking him out with his own gun. She runs to Stefan and begins picking the wooden buckshot out of his chest. Super romantic.
Damon enters the creepy abandoned witch house where the coffins are being stored. Scratch that, WERE being stored. Now it’s just Klaus. He insults the dead witches and their gross housekeeping, causing the witches to deliver a full-blown magic migraine. Klaus threatens to kill all of the living ancestors of the dead witches, starting with the Bennett’s, if Damon doesn’t lead him to the coffins. Suddenly the migraine stops and three of the coffins appear but surprise! One is still missing. Bonnie was able to gives Damon a heads up so he moved the special voodoo coffin from Bonnie’s dreams. Klaus is infuriated, threatening to rip Damon’s heart out of his chest. Damon ain’t scared because he’s the only one that knows the location of the last coffin. Looks like Klaus is in check.
Ric confronts Meredith at the hospital about stealing Damon’s blood. She is surprised that Damon is already awaken given the amount of vervain she slipped him. Ric shares with crazy doctor that Damon drinks a little vervain every day to build up his immunity. Meredith swear she isn’t crazy and runs off to tend to Bill Forbes, the latest patient admitted to the ER.
Meanwhile, Elena is still in the barn pulling pieces out of Stefan’s chest while he screams like a very masculine little girl. Stefan decides this is the exact right time to tell her that she’s changed since they met, having grown tougher. Meeting vampires and werewolves can do that to a girl. She ruins the touching moment by telling him that she kissed Damon which prompts Stefan to put on his wounded puppy dog face. After the final splinter of wood is removed Stefan walks out of the barn in silence. As if he deserves her unwavering love given all the shit he’s put her through.
Ric follows Meredith to Bill’s hospital bed. It seems Bill was found in the woods, bleeding out from an animal attack. A real one, not the fake ones she writes on death certificates. Bill is fixing to die until Meredith injects him with Damon’s stolen blood. So, she’s a good psycho?
Stefan pouts against the car until Elena approaches. He apologizes for kidnapping her and threatening to drive her over the same bridge that killed her parents. It’s actually kind of sweet. Too bad he ruins it by lecturing her about not lying to him. Even while broken up he still tries to control her life. She apologizes like the idiot she is and changes the subject to her kissing Damon. Stefan tells her that she’s better than both the Brothers Salvatore (yeah, right) and drives off.
Bonnie and Abby have their last heart to heart on the side of the road while waiting for Elena. Abby is concerned about Daniel coming back to do something to Jamie. Bonnie is wounded that Abby could dare to care for someone other than her because Bonnie is the worst. Abby tells Bonnie that she thinks she can regain her magic and wants to help.
Tyler visits a miraculously recovered Bill in his hospital room. Bill is grumpy that he was saved with vampire blood but otherwise fine. Tyler apologizes for attacking him and Bill brushes it under the rug, asking how Ty feels. He’s excited he turned on his own but less excited when Bill tells him that he has to do it all over again tomorrow. Ty’s not having it but Bill threatens to stop him from seeing Caroline until he can turn painlessly.
Ric takes Meredith on a tour of the Gilbert house and all his fancy vampire killing weapons within. He cops to taking vampire blood in the ICU and shows her his magical anti-death ring. Mer tries to take his ring but he stops her by macking on her. Not the reaction a normal person would have. Elena interrupts and it is awkward as shit. Meredith bails and Ric forces a conversation about respecting Jenna and moving on. How is it that Elena is the mature one in this conversation?
Stefan arrives home to find Damon posing in front of the fireplace. Damon tells him that he was able to move the locked coffin before Klaus could find them which elicits little joy from Stefan. Damon asks about Elena and Stefan belts him in the face. Damon takes it all in stride, choosing to show him the silver dagger that he removed Elijah before turning the coffins over to Klaus.
Over at the Home of the Originals, Daniel shoves the last of the coffins into the living room, the room in which everyone keeps their daggered loved ones. Klaus begins to tell him that he will remove the daggers once he takes care of unfinished business when suddenly Danny Boy falls to the floor dead. Elijah, hybrid heart in hand, is his usual charming self.
BODY COUNT: 1
ELENA: “Okay, Damon. Look. Bonnie hasn’t seen her mom in over 15 years. We don’t need your snarky commentary narrating the experience.”
DAMON: “I think psychopaths are incredibly high-maintenance.”