Childhood Halloween: Hocus Pocus

My favorite Halloween movie of all time is Hocus Pocus. It’s everything I want: a little bit scary, really funny and there are cute boys. Perfect.

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PLOT

A new boy in town awakens three ancient witches who want to steal the souls of the children in town. He must work with his younger sister and girlfriend to prevent stop them.

WHY YOU SHOULD WATCH

Bette Midler is a national treasure. I cannot picture anyone else playing the role of Winifred, the eldest Sanderson sister. She sings, does some dancey hand movements, and is generally over the top. All the things I expect from Bette.

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The main premise scared the shit out of me when I was a child. What if some witches found me and sucked my soul out of my body? What would I do? How would I proceed?

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A boy gets turned into a cat. A FREAKING CAT. This is basically the worst fate I can think of. After the whole having your soul sucked out thing. That would probably be worse.

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Sarah Jessica Parker is fantastic at playing an idiot. I’ll leave it at that.

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This is the correct way to describe Halloween:

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This is the bullshit way people try to explain Halloween if they want a punch in the nose:

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Oh how I have wished that I could encounter someone with ICE shaved into the back of his/her head. Why don’t more people (or any people) do this?

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I always wanted a big brother to take me out Trick or Treating. I didn’t want to feel the same way about him that I did about Max growing up (lusty feelings). Creepy. I just wanted him to be a cool teenager who would walk me around instead of Mom. Sorry Mom.

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Younger siblings are crazy embarrassing. As soon as they learn to talk, you’re screwed. Anything bad or potentially mortifying that you have ever uttered in front of them will be repeated to the worst person possible. That’s just the way it is. Also bonus points for teaching me the word yabos.

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I love when characters say the name of the movie in the dialogue. It’s totally cheesy, but I love it anyway.

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I have this same exact reaction every time someone tells me to calm down. Does anyone think that this actually works?

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Billy Butcherson is the best zombie ever. The zombs at The Walking Dead have nothing on him. Also, is it strange to be attracted to a zombie?

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When Sarah makes this face:

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The cursing made this see like a much more adult movie. You can’t say bitch in movies meant for little kids.

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I want everyone to walk like the Sanderson sisters. I wonder if I can get my friends to practice walking like this and convince them to do it in public. Probably not but wouldn’t that be something?

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Max offers up his own life in place of his little sister’s. That is true sibling love.

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Peace bitches.

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Why am I jealous that a little girl gets kissed by a boy who lived as a cat for hundreds of years? When phrased that way, it sounds crazy.

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WHERE HAVE I SEEN YOU BEFORE?

Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson

Bette Midler as Winifred Sanderson

  • C. C. Bloom in Beaches
  • Brenda Cushman in First Wives Club
Kathy Najimy as Mary Sanderson

Kathy Najimy as Mary Sanderson

  • Sister Mary Patrick in Sister Act
  • Olive Massery on Veronica’s Closet
Sarah Jessica Parker as Sarah Sanderson

Sarah Jessica Parker as Sarah Sanderson

  • Janey Glenn in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
  • Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City
Omri Katz as Max Dennison

Omri Katz as Max Dennison

  • John Ross Ewing III on Dallas
  • Marshall Teller on Eerie, Indiana
Thora Birch as Dani Dennison

Thora Birch as Dani Dennison

  • Hallie O’Fallon in All I Want for Christmas
  • Tina ‘Teeny’ Tercell in Now and Then
Vinessa Shaw as Allison

Vinessa Shaw as Allison

  • Kimberly Mullen in Ladybugs
  • Nicole in 40 Days and 40 Nights

2 comments

  1. “What would I do? How would I proceed?” Channeling a bit of Preston Myers?!?! Haha!

    1. I try to channel Preston Myers on a daily basis.

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