For Your Consideration: Smallville, 5.05 “Thirst”

Superman meet vampires. I imagine this is how the pitch meeting went for the Halloween themed episode of Smallville. It sounds borderline crazy. Two completely unmeshable things. While it is a bit of a train wreck, it’s also a delightful piece of camp that I now enjoy every October.

TV SPOT

OBSERVATIONS

Editor in Chief Kahn really hands it to Chloe. And I’m totally okay with that. Chloe has never been one of my favorite characters (not even in the top ten) and it’s nice to see her put in her place every once in a while. She wrote for her high school newspaper. BFD, I wrote for mine too. That doesn’t automatically entitle you to have a job at one of the top ranking newspapers in the nation. Someone get this girl to the mail room!

If you have to get dressed down, it might as well be by Princess Leia.

If you have to get dressed down, it might as well be by Princess Leia.

Vampires ordering food so they can eat the delivery man is such a cliche. And a gaggle of sorority girls opening the door wearing bikinis, pulling the delivery guy into a hot tub sounds like the beginning of a porno.

Cliche city.

Cliche city.

I have a really hard time believing that the only available housing on campus is in a sorority house. There were multiple no-shows and early drop-outs at my school. Lana should have been able to find a dorm room easily.

Aw, Clark’s having a little sad because Lana chose to attend Metropolis University instead of Central Kansas A&M with him. What kind of college doesn’t offer astronomy? What exactly is Lana’s major?

He's so cute when he pouts.

He’s so cute when he pouts.

Imagine that, a blonde sorority sister wearing pink. I like how this episode pokes fun at the stereotypes typically associates with Greek life.

SO MUCH IDIOT.

SO MUCH IDIOT.

I love the subtle (and not so subtle) shout outs to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The head of the vampire sorority is Buffy Saunders and James Marsters is featured. Oh how I would love to see Spike interacting with a house full of female vampires.

Vampires Lana is VERY into making out with her boyfriend. In her best friend’s room. The best friend who used to have a crush on said boyfriend. Kinda douchey Lana. She then threatens to break up with him when he isn’t super into it. So far vampirism isn’t proving to be a very good look for her.

Like you could break up with that face.

Like you could break up with that face.

Buffy livens up the night by smacking Lana across the face so hard that she flies over a banister and fall down the stairs, breaking her neck, an arm and both of her legs. Interesting way of partying. I probably won’t try it out myself but I can appreciate making your own fun.

That might hurt a little.

That might hurt a little.

Clark (aka Carlos) cannot seriously be falling for the slutty sorority sister dressed as a bunny thing. It literally makes my skin crawl. You have a girl friend dude. Granted she’s a skanky vampire right now, but still. Don’t be gross.

I love that Buffy keeps an article about herself being bitten in a cave by bats. Who would want to relive that on the regular? Also, her room is kind of amazing with the bats made out of pink lights.

AMAZING BATS.

AMAZING BATS.

Lana’s cat eye makeup for her Halloween costume is amazing. It’s one of those things that looks really easy to do but I would totally screw it up and end up getting incredibly frustrated, ultimately chucking my tools across the bathroom.

Deceptively difficult.

Deceptively difficult.

I wonder if anyone has kept count of the number of times Clark’s friends have been admitted to the hospital. How do they explain the amount of freaky accidents and injuries that occur around him?

Spike tells Clark that there is no such thing as vampires. This fills me with glee. SO MUCH GLEE.

Of course LuthorCorp has developed a cure for vampirism that involves Kryptonite. Is there anything that green meteor rock can’t fix?

cure

Lana can take any situation and turn it into a sappy moment. She felt love and warmth from biting Clark and drinking his blood. Excuse me while I go puke out.

Editor Kahn finally gives Chloe a desk in the basement. I guess we should all right schlocky articles about sorority sisters turned vampires.

COSTUME WATCH

Chloe as a schoolgirl and Clark as Zorro

Chloe as a schoolgirl and Clark as Zorro

Lana as a cat

Lana as a cat

Buffy as a devil

Buffy as a devil

QUOTABLES

Buffy: “You’re a Tri Psi now, Lana. We eat boyfriends for breakfast.”

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