Live Blog: Friends, 1.14 The One With the Candy Hearts

More thoughts on Friends as I watch each episode. I encourage you to watch along (if possible), as my comments will probably make more sense. Or you can have fun conjuring up your own images based on what you read. Either way, enjoy.

1.14 The One With the Candy Hearts

– I can almost guarantee that the woman at the coffee shop does not want Ross. Especially after he totally blew it when she said hello.

– How much does a waitress charge for an uncracked, uncooked egg? How do you even enter that at the register? It’s not like you can just take whatever you want from the kitchen. They take an inventory.

– And what is the apartment building woman supposed to do with a raw egg? Carry it around in her purse? Horrible idea Joey. I’m glad Chandler recognizes it as a suicide mission.

– So many women in power suits. SO MANY. Monica’s is the absolute worst.

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– Please tell me Chandler’s date for the night is awesome and Joey’s is horrible. That would make this episode the best.

– The egg woman said yes to a date the night before Valentine’s Day? Desperate much?

– Do people really go on double dates? I’ve only been on one and it was

– Chandler is set up with his ex-girlfriend Janice? THAT’S FREAKING AMAZING. This just became my favorite episode so far.

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– I’ve always wanted to sneak out of a window on a date. It seems kinda fun.

– Poor Rachel. She dated a guy who cried every time they have sex. But Monica’s is worse. Who says, “I win!” during sex?

– I really like Rachel’s sweater. Very nice.

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– Why does Phoebe’s friend Abby shave her head? I want more details ASAP.

– Why is Valentine’s Day such a big deal? I feel like it’s only a thing if you’re dating someone. If not, just treat it like any other night.

– Please don’t dance around naked while chanting. It’s not something I want to see.

– I can also pick up quarters with my toes. I didn’t realize that was an interesting topic of conversation.

– It’s super creepy that Janice kept a bunch of pictures that she cut Chandler out of. Throw that shit away! Even worse, she kept the picture-less Chandlers. Eww.

– Joey is pretty much the worst friend ever. He’s lucky Chandler didn’t bolt as soon as he say Janice’s face.

– I agree with Chandler, I hope Joey’s date throws up on him too.

– Why doesn’t Chandler just take off too? There is zero reason for him to continue being on a date with Janice. He should go on a solo shopping trip with Joey’s credit card.

– What’s in a rob roy? Google time!

– Chandler slept with Janice the night before Valentine’s Day. I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to be that drunk.

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– Why isn’t Chandler breaking it off with her immediately? Don’t give Janice a kiss goodbye! Kick her to the curb!

– Why do the girls care that Chandler may or may not be back with Janice? Getting Ross on the phone is overboard.

– Ross’s first date with egg girl is ON Valentine’s Day? THAT IS THE WORST.

– Also, his joke about dogs was not funny. I didn’t laugh even once.

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– HAHAHA! Carol and Susan are at dinner with Ross and egg girl. That is amazing. Simply amazing.

– What is the ugly trash can that the girls are burning herbs in?

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– Where does one obtain the semen of a righteous man? Where?

– Why would Monica keep a naked picture of a man who is so hairy he looks like he’s wearing a sweater? That is gross, not sexy.

– Joey is back rocking a turtleneck. And it’s super baggy and horrible looking.

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– Now I want hibachi. The smoking onion is awesome. Thanks a lot Ross.

– What kind of job does Susan have that calls her away that late at night? Is she some sort of doctor?

– Ross is the worst! Don’t invite your ex-wife (who is pregnant with your baby) to have dinner on your first date with egg girl. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT.

– Egg girl’s name is Kristen. I’m surprised Ross listneed that little bit.

– Three firefighters to put out a fire in a tiny trash can?That’s awfully convenient. Three firefighters for the three girls perhaps?

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– How can the one guy tell everything that’s in the can? Wouldn’t some of it have burned? The greeting cards for sure.

– Who does Janice know that she can get specialized candy hearts made in one afternoon? That’s ballin.

– Janice’s coat is exactly what I would expect someone with her personality to wear.

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– Janice thinks Chandler keeps breaking up with her because he loves her? Please tell me she does not have a job as a therapist and/or counselor.

– Chandler kissed her back! His lips are fully puckered. And he wants her to call him now? Sucker.

– Ross didn’t notice that his date took off? How oblivious can one guy get?

– Why has it not been addressed that Carol cheated on Ross? She was with Susan by the first episode when Ross was assembling his IKEA furniture. And like, seriously with her.

– Stop kissing each other! There is a reason that you got divorced. Like, because Carol is a lesbian. And Ross is horrible.

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– Calling Ross a man is pretty generous of Carol. He acts more like a little boy.

– The girls are wearing the firefighters’ hats. Adorable. And Rachel has to help Monica ask them out for a drink. Even cuter. Their excitement is contagious.

– Oh snap! The firemen are married and have girlfriends. Not cool bros.

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