Recap That Noise: Vampire Diaries, 3.01 The Birthday

This isn’t Mystic Falls! A woman steps out onto her porch in Tennessee (where the best things come from), calling for someone/something named Rudy. A dog perhaps? She bends down to pick up a toy and when she stands up Klaus is there! And he apologizes for scaring her with an American accent. Say what? He makes up a story about his car being out of gas and having to walk for miles. Obvious bullshit. He asks come inside and use the phone but this woman is kind of smart. She offers to bring him a phone outside, which pisses him off. He grabs her by the throat and compels her to invite him inside. At least he’s back to speaking in his natural voice. Much sexier.

Hottest stranded guy ever?

Hottest stranded guy ever?

There is another woman in the house, frying something up in the kitchen. Why must Southern women always be depicted frying food? She freaks when she sees porch woman and Klaus, quite justifiably. It seems that Klaus is looking for Ray Sutton, a werewolf. House woman tells him that Ray is on the road but refuses to say where. She tries to make a run for it, reaching the front door before she runs into Stefan. She changes her mind about talking, telling Klaus that Ray is in a bar called Southern Comfort located in the town of Toll. Awesome bar name. Klaus compels porch woman to let Stefan in then pushes her to him, instructing him to kill both girls before leaving. There is a lot of crying and pleading as Stefan vamps out, sinking his teeth into porch woman’s neck while Klaus sits outside in the car smiling like a creep.

Elena gets up from her bed and heads toward the window, hesitating before throwing the curtains open. Apparently she is all about letting the sunshine in, opening the curtains in Jeremy’s room too. Only he was still sleeping and is not happy. She rips his covers off, telling him that he is late for work. He got a job working at the Mystic Grill with my Matt Donovan!

Caroline walks through town, talking to Elena on the phone about a party she is throwing. Meanwhile, Elena heads into the kitchen at the Gilbert house. Caroline tells her that Liz wants her to call so they can talk about an “animal attack” in Memphis. While the girls debate over whether or not the multiple killings in Tennessee is the work of Klaus, Alaric makes coffee. Elena promises to call Liz and they hang up as Tyler approaches Caroline.

Elena catches Ric up on the faux-animal attack and they discuss the likelihood that Stefan was involved while he makes up the couch/bed. Please tell me he is living here full time. That would be super awesome. Elena offers him a bedroom and it is adorable. But he kind of ruins it, pointing out that the free bedrooms belong to her dead parents and his dead girlfriend. Way to kill a girl’s buzz Ric. As Elena walks away he wishes her a happy birthday.

Damon is in a bathtub at the Salvatore Boarding House, having a drink while Andie applies makeup at the mirror. And the drink is champagne. Very fancy Mr. Salvatore. He asks Andie to get him another bottle but she has a backbone and tells him to get it himself. I kinda like Andie. She has spunk. He gets out of the tub, dripping everywhere. While that would ordinarily drive me crazy, I think I could make an exception here. He walks through the house, sneaking up behind Elena, who has just arrived. He wishes her a good morning and she turns around to find him naked as a jaybird. I can’t even begin to describe the level of jealousy happening. She turns her back to him, accusing him of having heard her. He makes a great crack about her knocking before entering while she covers her eyes and throws a towel at him. Sadly he wraps it around his waist. This girl is fucking crazy.

thebirthdaysoapydamon

thebirthdayindecent

thebirthdayelenapeeks

Elena tells Damon that Liz gave them another address to check in Memphis. Damon thinks it will be another dead end so she threatens to look by herself. Damon is concerned that Klaus will catch her and realize that she isn’t dead. Elena is persistent about the lead being the checked out so he offers to do it himself. She starts to protest but he walks into his bedroom. He opens the closet door where there is a map hanging with a bunch of notes around it. He pins up the note Elena handed him and tells Andie that “they” moved to Tennessee. She tells him that a murder victim he has her look into had family in Tennessee. He proposes a road trip but she leaves for work, offering to get him the address for the Memphis attack. Silly Andie. Don’t you know that all work and no play makes you a dull girl?

Jeremy is moving boxes in the stock room at the Grill, working those muscles. Is it just me or is Little Gilbert getting hotter with each season? Ugh, he’s video chatting with Bonnie via cell phone. Was it too much to hope that she died between seasons? Or at least moved very far away? He laments being without her (double ugh). Apparently she’s been with her father’s side of the family all summer. The lights at the Grill flicker and there is a strange sound. They hang up and the lights flicker again. When they turn back on Vicki is standing in front of Jer, startling him and causing him to drop his phone. She disappears and he bends over to pick up the phone, and now Anna is standing behind him. She tries to touch him but Matt busts into the room, demanding Jeremy switch sections with him. Caroline and Tyler just arrived and he doesn’t want to wait on them. Poor Matty.

Caroline and Tyler are seated outside the Grill. I love outdoor seating in the summer. She tells him that she thinks something is up with his mom because she caught Carol giving her a stink eye. Jeremy arrives to take their order and Caroline asks if Matt made him switch sections. That’s my girl! Super direct and lacking tact. He shrugs so she tells him that Matt thinks she is dating Tyler. Ty tells her Carol thinks that too. It’s only natural seeing as they are always together. Caroline tells him that’s crazy and I think she’s protesting a little too much. I mean, come on. We’ve all seen what he looks like with his shirt off.

When do we get to see him shirtless?

When do we get to see him shirtless?

Klaus approaches a man named Ray Sutton at the bar and tells him that he has been looking for him, giving a somewhat detailed account of meeting and torturing Ray’s friends. Ray tries to leave but Klaus and Stefan stop him. Ray recognizes that they are vampires and states as much. Klaus is quick to correct him, telling him that while Stefan is a vamp, he’s “a different kind of monster”. Interesting that Klaus views himself as a monster. He wants Ray to lead him to his pack so he can make more hybrids. Ray tries to stay strong, telling Klaus that he can’t be compelled. Stefan calls his bluff, asking the bartender for a drink so he can force Ray to drink wolfsbane. This is most definitely NOT the Stefan that we have all come to know. The best part of the interaction? Klaus is gleeful the entire time.

Damon and Ric arrive at the house in Tennessee when Damon’s cell starts ringing. He ignores a cal from Elena, not wanting to get her hopes up. Ric admits to sleeping at the Gilbert house all summer, surprised that he hasn’t been kicked out. Um, maybe because they are children and children typically don’t tell adults to get lost. He has a little sad for himself, mentioning that he’s not “helping or anything”. Poor Ric. The pity party is cut short when both men notice a distinct lack of noise. Damon is able to walk right on in, so it looks like all of the inhabitants are toast. And what do you know? Dead bodies staged on the couch. Damon is sure that this is the work of Stefan, seeing as he earned the nickname Ripper by drinking so hard that he would literally rip people to pieces. Which these bodies have been. Ripped apart and put back together. Stefan has some freaky ass hobbies.

Caroline, Elena and Tyler are at the Salvatore Boarding House, decorating for the party. Elena is whining about Damon showing a lack of enthusiasm for following Stefan leads. Tyler take this opportunity to state the obvious- maybe Damon doesn’t want Stefan to come back so he can have Elena. The girls pretend to be shocked when he says it but duh. Elena swears that Damon wants to help seeing as Stefan only went off with Klaus to save his brother’s life. Tyler brings up the deathbed kiss that Elena gave Damon and Caroline is visibly pissed for being busted as a secret sharer. Elena tries to explain that the kiss was her way of saying goodbye but a call from Bonnie interrupts the conversation. As she leaves to talk, Tyler tells Caroline that he has to bounce so he can pick up Sofie, his date for the party. Caroline is irritated, referring to the girl as “Slutty Sofie”. Tyler tells her that he is horny all the time and I have to admit, I like his honesty. Caroline tells him that she often feels as though she will explode from horniness and the atmosphere gets really awkward. Caroline tells him that she hopes he gets lucky and he leaves.

Damon and Ric are still at the house in Tennessee. Damon douses the furniture in gasoline, determined to cover for Stefan. Ric moves out of his way and a floorboard creaks suspiciously. Well, they think it’s suspicious. I would just assume that the house is really old. Or haunted. Damon lifts up the rug and finds a secret trapdoor. Upon opening it, he sees chains. Because Damon is sometimes smart, he puts two and two together- werewolves lived in the house. He closes the door and throws a lit match.

Holy shit that escalated quickly.

Holy shit that escalated quickly.

Meanwhile, Ray has been chained to a wall in the bar and had darts thrown at him. Stefan is sitting at a table, alternating between drinking and dipping darts in wolfsbane before throwing them at Ray. Klaus sits next to him, watching. Stefan promises he will stop if Ray gives them the location of his pack but Ray refuses. A woman named Claudine approaches Klaus telling him that she has information- Damon was spotted at the farmhouse. She refers to him as Mr. Klaus and I almost pee my pants laughing. Stefan asks Klaus to let him deal with Damon. Klaus is a little leery at first, not knowing if Stefan will come back but Stef reminds him that he’s at his service. Klaus seems a little disappointed that Stefan isn’t having fun torturing and killing people but allows him to leave. Oh Klaus.

Elena is in Stefan’s bedroom checking herself out in the mirror when Damon appears. He has a surprise for her, her ugly-ass necklace! He helps her put it on and there is SERIOUS TENSION of the sexual kind. He offers his arm and they descend the stairs to her rager. I mean, birthday party. They run into Caroline and Elena makes a smart-alack comment about keeping it small. This is why I love Caroline. She absolutely disregards the wants/needs of her friends in order to make EVENTS happen.

Jeremy, also at the party, is about to light up when Matt joins him. And Matt is now getting stoned? My how things have changed in Mystic Falls. Jer tells Matt that since he died he has been seeing things. For some reason he keeps it vague rather than just coming out and saying, “Hey, I saw your dead sister who I used to bang.” Matt asks him what Bonnie had to say about it and Jer tells him that Bonnie doesn’t know. Anyone want to guess the remaining life of that relationship? Elena and Caroline enter the room to be total buzzkills. Matt gives Elena a kiss on the cheek and wishes her a happy birthday before leaving. Because Caroline likes to make everything all about her, she whines that Matt hates her and has turned to drugs. Oh Caroline. You’re so self involved and I kind of dig it.

Ric and Damon are outside talking about what a bad pseudo-parent Ric has been. Damon is delightful, telling Ric how much he loves high school parties. Damon, please don’t be the weird old guy who continues to hang around high schoolers well after graduation. It’s creepy. Elena joins them and tells Ric that Jeremy is smoking the weed again. She asks him to talk to Jer, seeing as he is such a positive male role model. I would pay serious money to hear the anti-drug talk that Ric gives.

Most amazing D.A.R.E. officer ever!

Most amazing D.A.R.E. officer!

Andie is hard at work at the WKPW studio, the only employee left after a hard day of news anchoring. She walks through the dim studio when suddenly a bright-ass spotlight shines upon her. She lets the dickhead operating the light know that it’s blinding her and steps away but the light follows her. She calls out but no one answers her. Instead the light goes dim. Getting a little creeped she makes for the exit, tripping over a wire on her way. The light is turned on once again, this time with a sinister person standing in front of it. Andie stands and tries to tries to run but Stefan super speeds to block her way. She is noticeably relieved to see him until he vamps out.

Back at the Salvatore Boarding House, the party is in full swing! Tyler and Sofie dance while Caroline stands on the edge of the dance floor, glaring away and getting her drink on. Matt approach her and comments on the dancing couple. Caroline is at her snarkiest, telling Matt that she didn’t think he was speaking to her. He tells her that he hasn’t been ignoring her, she’s just been with Tyler every time that she sees her. He rather loudly brings up her being a vampire and Ty being a werewolf before she shushes him. Tyler glances their way as Matt apologizes for being “out of it”. Also known as high? He leaves asTyler and Sofie approach. Sofie congratulates Caroline on the party and Care responds by compelling her to leave. Tyler is pissed but Caroline just stalks off.

thebirthdaycheerscaroline

Damon and Ric are still outside, being the worst chaperones ever. Damon tells Ric that he needs to pick up Andie from work and asks him to hold down the fort. Ric is uncomfortable being around drunk students, prompting Damon to encourage him to drink more. I’m not sure if that is the wisest decision.

Elena enters Damon’s bedroom and finds Caroline hiding out, drinking from a blood bag. They have some back and forth about Elena maybe possibly needing to get on with her life. Elena thinks everyone wants to give up on Stefan. Caroline tells her that she doesn’t want her entire life to pass by. She makes a good point. Care starts to apologize when Elena sees something on the closet door. She opens it to find the notes, articles and maps that Damon has been using to search for Stefan.

Damon arrives at the studio when Elena calls. She confronts him about his closet but he hangs up on her. It’s about time someone does. Damon searches/calls for Andie but she is nowhere to be found. He finds her purse as Stefan appears. Stef tells Damon that he needs to stop tracking him and Klaus. Damon refuses, citing Elena and her obsession with finding him. Stefan calls for Andie who is standing on a ledge up near the ceiling. She tells Damon that Stefan has compelled her not to move. Stefan tells her to move and grabs Damon, shoving him against a wall to prevent him from saving her as her body falls to the ground. He lets Damon go and he rushes to Andie but she is already dead. Damon looks up to find Stefan has vanished.

Jeremy heads towards his car when he runs into Matt who can’t find his truck. What kind of super weed did these kids smoke? Jer offers to give him a lift home. As he enters the car, Jer sees Vicki and yells her name. She asks for help before disappearing. Matt gets into the car and confronts Jeremy about saying Vicki’s name. Jer tries to act like nothing happened but he isn’t the most convincing. As he turns the engine on, Anna is standing in front of the car. He freaks and suggests that they walk.

Caroline drunkenly wades through the crowd, pushing aside anyone who is in her way. Tyler confronts her about sending Sofie away, mad that he was cock blocked. Caroline says she isn’t upset and wants him to satiate his horniness but she is clearly pissed. Tyler tells her that the ball is in her court as far as any potential hook-up/dating between them. She grabs him and they begin passionately making out. In the middle of the party. As they leave to find a room, Damon arrives home.

Damon enters his bedroom where he is immediately confronted by Elena. She wants to know why he kept his search for Stefan a secret. Damon tries to make her leave, telling her that he’s having a bad night and that she needs to get back to her party, but she is annoyingly persistent. He finally snaps, telling her that all of the dead bodies have been Stefan’s doing. She is in serious denial, saying he is wrong. Damon tells her that Stefan has flipped his switch and is never coming home before storming out of the room. Elena remains behind, touching her necklace and having a major sad.

Jeremy and Matt are in the Gilbert kitchen, sharing ice cream. Damn, I wish I had some Pistachio, Pistachio right about now. Matt starts to leave but stops, asking Jer what happened in the car. Jeremy tells him that he has been seeing Vicki but Matt thinks he is speaking figuratively. He gives Jer a smile before taking off.

Ray has been moved from the wall to a pool table at the bar. He finally spilled the beans on the location of his pack and now Klaus wants Ray to drink his blood. He cuts his wrist and force feeds him, swearing Ray will thank him later. I’m so sure. Stefan arrives and Klaus seems surprised to see him. Stefan is super melodramatic, telling Klaus that he doesn’t care about anything anymore. Klaus is able to see through his bullshit, but doesn’t seem to care much either way.

Elena arrives home to find Ric packing his belongings. He tells her that he’s not going to stay there anymore. He doesn’t think he’s a good role model, what with the drinking and the letting them party. He tells her that she can handle the house alone now that she’s 18 and leaves. WTF dude? Eighteen is hardly an adult and most certainly not mature enough to take care of a 16 year old and a household. Shouldn’t the Department of Human Services be looking into this?

Tyler and Caroline have moved the smooches to the Lockwood Mansion. There is a lot of serious making out and removing of clothes as they make their way over to the bed. Looks like both of them will be cured of their horniness.

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Damon enters Stefan’s bedroom and begins to tear it apart, smashing all of his belongs. He pauses after picking up a guitar. Since when does Stefan play the guitar? I don’t buy this. Not even a little bit.

Stefan goes outside of the bar to make a phone call. Meanwhile, Elena enters her bedroom and finds a happy birthday drawing from Jeremy. How cute. As she prepares to go to bed, her phone vibrates on the dresser. She answers the unknown caller who is really Stefan. He remains silent as she says him name several times. He has a big time sad as she tells him that she loves him and won’t give up on him.

We all have sads about it.

We all have sads about it.

Caroline sneaks out of bed while Tyler sleeps. She makes it downstairs without incident and is heading for the door when she runs into Carol. There is a whole lot of awkwardness as Caroline stammers about needing her purse. She grabs it and is burned. Oh shit, someone vervained the purse! Carol shoots her with vervain darts and Caroline falls to the ground unconscious.

BODY COUNT: 1

Andie Starr (just as I started to like her)

QUOTABLES

ALARIC: “Eeeh, sleeping in your dead parent’s room or my dead… girlfriend’s room. Nah.”

DAMON: “You want the cheap young stuff over by the cheap young people.”

ALARIC: “You mean the fort full of my drunk history students?”

NICE TO MEET YOU

David Gallagher as Ray Sutton

David Gallagher as Ray Sutton

Lilly Roberson as Sofie

Lilly Roberson as Sofie

MUSIC

Last.fm_play.png “Are We There Yet” by Ingrid Michaelson. Elena wakes up Jeremy.

Last.fm_play.png “What You Know” by Two Door Cinema Club. Jeremy sees the ghosts of his dead girlfriends while talking to Bonnie on the phone.

Last.fm_play.png “Barton Hollow” by The Civil Wars. Caroline and Tyler talk about everyone thinking that they are dating; Klaus and Stefan find Ray.

Last.fm_play.png “Means To An End” by Trent Dabbs. Stefan shoots Ray with vervain darts.

Last.fm_play.png “Make It Without You” by Andrew Belle. Damon helps Elena put on her necklace.

Last.fm_play.png “Hello” by Martin Solveig and Dragonette. Elena goes down to join her birthday party.

Last.fm_play.png “Shooting The Moon” by Mona. Caroline and Elena find Matt and Jeremy smoking weed.

Last.fm_play.png “Hawk Eyes” by The Kicks. Caroline is jealous of Tyler and his date.

Last.fm_play.png “Anna Sun” by Walk The Moon. Elena calls Damon while he is at the news studio.

Last.fm_play.png “Starpusher” by Location Location. Jeremy tells Matt that he can see ghosts.

Last.fm_play.png “You Make Me Feel” by Cobra Starship. Caroline and Tyler kiss.

Last.fm_play.png “A Drop In The Ocean” by Ron Pope. Ric leaves the Gilbert house; Tyler and Caroline have sex; Damon hulks out and smashes things; Stefan calls Elena.

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