Mystic Falls, 1864- Stefan and Katherine are dancing in the Lockwood Mansion. He tries to kiss her but she dodges him, telling him that there is no touching. Stefan sees Damon watching them and points it out to Katherine. She tells Stefan that he is a better dancer and glances over at Damon, who is now with Elena. Elena looks at Stefan, and then leaves with Damon. Stefan follows them through a door where he is transported to the Mystic Grill. Elena, now at the pool table, tells Damon it is his turn. They kiss and Katherine appears, still in 1864 garb. She tells Stefan that he loved her once and can love her again. Stefan and Katherine are transported back to the Lockwood Mansion in 1864. Katherine tells him that she loves him and gives him a kiss.
Stefan awakens from his insane dream in his bed at the Salvatore Boarding House. Elena, previously sleeping with her head on his chest, asks if everything is alright. He tells her to go back to sleep before zooming out of bed. Elena is really Katherine. She teases Stefan about getting into his head and making him dream the things she wants him to. He attempts to attack her, but she knocks him over. She tells him that she is in town for him and knows somewhere deep down, he still cares for her. In other words, bitch is crazy.
Elena is sitting alone at the Mystic Grill (serves her right) when Damon approaches. He makes a wonderful crack about her stabbing people in the back. She gets up from the table, telling him that she wants nothing to do with him. So he tells her that he’ll see her at Jenna’s barbecue. Seems he convinced Jenna to hold a BBQ and invite Mason Lockwood. Apparently Jenna and Mason attended high school together. This is way more believable than Jenna and Kelly being drinking buddies. Damon picks up the peach cobbler he ordered and leaves. But not before telling Elena that he plans to stab Mason with silver, unmasking him as a werewolf.
Tyler confronts Mason at the Lockwood mansion right as he is leaving for the Gilbert’s. Ty is massively freaking out on account of Mason morphing into a wolf. Mason tells him that he doesn’t need to worry about it happening to him. Mayor Douchebag never triggered the curse and neither will Tyler. Ty tries to get him to reveal the trigger but Mason thinks it’s better if he remains ignorant. Tyler tries to shift gears, asking if he ever found the moonstone. Mason brushes it off, saying it was a sentimental heirloom that belonged to Mama Lockwood. He takes off and Ty pulls the moonstone from his pocket. Super awesome hiding spot buddy.
Katherine is still hanging out at the Salvatore Boarding House, reading Stefan’s journal while seated in the living room. I imagine his journal is about as titillating as Moby Dick. She apologizes for the dream walking and Stefan gives her a glass of blood. She mentions reading that he is off the human stuff and about his recent werewolf encounter. He asks what she knows about the wolves so she warns him against meeting one during a full moon. Their bites are fatal after all. She alludes to participating in ridding Mystic Falls of werewolves back in the good old days of yore.
FLASHBACK! 1864- Stefan is Katherine’s escort to the first Founder’s Ball. Damon gives a toast to George Lockwood, the current occupant of Lockwood Mansion and a Confederate soldier. Henry arrives to break up Stefan and Katherine’s party, asking to speak to her. He tells her that the recent attacks are not the work of vampires, but something else supernatural. Katherine promises him that Mystic Falls is their home and she will protect the vampires within, her “family”. Can anybody say lying bitch?
Present Day- Katherine explains to Stefan that while the werewolf gene runs in the Lockwood family, not all of them are wolves. Stefan asks if there are other non-Lockwood wolves and she answers in the affirmative, though they are almost extinct. Katherine removes her photo from Stefan’s journal and asks why he kept it all of these years. Even better, she asks why he came back to Mystic Falls. She thinks it was so he could fall in love with her all over again. Katherine is quite full of herself. Stefan gives her a line about not being able to quit her and they share a kiss. Only this one comes with a vervain dart to Katherine’s back. Good on Stefan!
Stefan has chained Katherine to a chair in the basement of despair. Smartest move he’s made this season. He asks why she really came back to Mystic Falls and when she gives him the party line about missing him, the gloves come out and he starts rubbing her face with vervain. After her skin stops sizzling, she takes us back. Way back. Back in time.
1864- George Lockwood is attempting to flirt with Katherine at the Founder’s Ball. Rather lamely, I might add. She makes a joke about being a vampire and killing him in his sleep. He feigns surprise but she cuts the crap quickly, telling him that she is aware that he knows her secret. She also tells him that she knows he is extra strong and carries a secret of his own. He asks what she wants in return for keeping his secret and she gives a coy smile.
Present- Stefan asks Katherine what George wanted and takes a seat.
Meanwhile, in the Gilbert kitchen, Elena and Jenna are prepping for the barbecue of awesomeness (copyright pending). Elena thanks Jenna for allowing her to invite Caroline. Jenna is all don’t thank me, why is Damon coming? Seriously no transition as she jumps from one topic to another. It seems the grand reason for Jenna hating Damon is that he made out with “her” (aka Katherine) after the Founder’s Parade. Shouldn’t she be pissed at Elena if that’s the case? After all, she would then be the cheater.
Mason arrives to the party, with shot glasses! Officially my new BBF (sorry Bestie). Elena leaves and Alaric arrives, impressed by the top shelf liquor Mason has provided. Ric plays as though the barbecue of awesomeness was his idea, a chance to dig up dirt on Jenna via her old high school buddy. Jenna makes a cute comment about only having dirty shame to uncover. Let’s all drink to that! The more handsome Salvatore enters the room and Jenna passes him her shot glass, exiting. Mason and Damon have official introductions and Damon officially wins the position of keeper of my heart.
Elena is sitting lamely on her porch, trying to call Stefan who does not answer on account of torturing Katherine. Caroline arrives and immediately begins eating all the potato chips. She is basically me at all parties. It seems the bloodlust is causing her to eat non-stop. I’m sorry but if I had a choice between sublimating my cravings with scotch or potato chips, I’m choosing scotch every time. Just get wasted! Caroline makes what she thinks is an off-hand comment about the torture Stefan goes through to be with Elena what with wanting to rip her throat out 24/7. Ric tells them the food is ready and they head inside to feast. Also, I’m really hungry as I write this so I’m probably paying more attention to the food than usual.
Katherine and Stefan are trading barbs back and forth in the Salvatore Boarding House basement. He threatens to let her desiccate so he can throw her back in the tombs. She makes fun of his relationship with Elena, asking if he pretends to be human with her. He tells her the reason that he loves Elena is that he doesn’t have to pretend anything; he can be himself when he’s with her. Katherine gets her feelings hurt and tries to remind Stefan that he loves/loved her.
1864- Stefan and Katherine have arrived at the Salvatore house from the Founder’s Ball. Stefan is very sweet, calling her an angel and telling her that one touch can ignite his entire body. He kisses her and admits that he has fallen in love with her. She pretends to be surprised and goes to bed. Cue Damon waiting in her bedroom. He kisses her and mocks Stefan’s confession of love. Katherine is angry and compels Damon to leave. Maybe she hasn’t been lying about having feelings for weepy, I mean Stefan.
Present- Katherine is still claiming that she never compelled Stefan to love her. His love for her was real and vice versa.
Back at the Gilbert house, the gang is playing an amazing game of Pictionary. Damon draws a wolf in a tutu and I am loving every second of this. Mason guesses Dance with Wolves for the win! Jenna is awesome, asking Damon how his drawing if a wolf.
Damon joins Elena in the kitchen where she is taking a pie out of its box. Yum for pie. Damon admits to feeding Jenna alcohol so she will like him. He makes a cute crack about becoming BFFs with Mason. Jenna enters, commenting on how FUN the barbecue of awesomeness is. She pretty much tells Damon that she doesn’t like him because he acts like guys she used to date. But she doesn’t hold a grudge or anything. Elena takes a fancy cake knife out and Jenna tells Damon it is part of her mother’s silver set. Damon pockets one of the other knives.
Stefan and Katherine are still in the basement, arguing over whether or not she compelled him to love her. She owns up to taking away his fear once he learned she was a vampire, but maintains that she didn’t influence his feelings. Stefan tells her that it doesn’t matter because any feelings he had for her have turned to hate. Katherine is okay with that. She sees little distinction between love and hate. She brings the conversation back to George Lockwood. It seems that he told the Founder’s Council about the existence of the vampires to cover his werewolf tracks. Katherine struck a deal with him to rid Mystic Falls of the other vampires.
1864- Katherine and George are walking the grounds of the Salvatore estate, discussing burning the church. Katherine tells him to be sure they do a head count before lighting that sucker on fire. There should be 27 bodies to burn. George promises to free Katherine from a secret exit. I bet he promises that to all the girls.
Present- Stefan seems shocked that Katherine helped to orchestrate the burning of the vampires. He can’t believe that she would sell her “family” down the river like that. If I’ve learned anything from this show it’s not to trust Katherine. She’s a snake. Also, NEVER INVESTIGATE.
Damon attempts to get Mason to serve up the pie at the barbecue of awesomeness. Mason is disgusting, picking up his piece with his bare hands. Way to infect the entire group with your germs you creep. Ric asks Mason if he ever dated Jenna. She does pull some pretty hot dudes. Mason teases her for dating Logan Fell (who I totally forgot about already) and has super awesome banter with Damon about being a lone wolf vs. a lady killer. Can these two please have their own show? I recommend a buddy comedy where they travel across the country, making amazing wisecracks.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Elena asks Caroline if she can ditch her to go find Stefan. He’s a vampire. What kind of trouble do you think he has gotten into? Care tells her that she doesn’t think it’s a good idea but bad plan is Elena’s middle name so she goes for it anyway. Caroline offers to drive her because she is a really good friend. Or because she is a master of deception- deflating a tire before getting into the car.
Stefan asks Katherine what George wanted in return for outing the vampires. Katherine is a bitch, blaming Stefan and Damon for almost ruining her plan. Stefan makes a big declaration about how the Brothers Salvatore died for nothing. I kind of have a sad for him. Katherine corrects him, telling him that they died for love. My sad is officially over.
Mason joins Damon in the Gilbert kitchen to tell him that Jenna busted out Guitar Hero. Can I PLEASE attend the barbecue of awesomeness? I would be the best guest! I don’t eat meat, so you don’t have to feed me. I would just take shots, draw funny pictures and rock out on the plastic guitar. BEST BARBECUE GUEST EVER. Mason also tells him that he has picked up on all the innuendos and Damon wins the snark off. Damon wants to know how Mason knows what he is, seeing as Mayor Douchey couldn’t figure it out. Mason kind of apologizes for attacking Stefan in wolf form. It seems that he can’t control himself once he begins to shift. Mason asks Damon to above all the vampire vs. werewolf politics. They shake hands but Damon takes a silver knife once Mason steps out of the room. Sneaky Damon.
Caroline is throwing serious shade, snarking about Elena and Stefan’s relationship. She doesn’t think they’ll survive because she couldn’t make it work with Matt. Um, I’ll make it work with Matt. After some serious product of the placement for the song playing (“We Radiate” by Goldfrapp) and the features of the car (the radio will tell you the name of the song playing if you request it), the tire finally goes on the Caroline Mobile.
Mason says his goodbyes at the barbecue of awesomeness before heading to the Mystic Grill to get his drink on. I know this because he tells us so. Damon kisses Jenna’s hand before exiting himself. Oh to be Jenna.
Elena and Caroline are stranded in the middle of the road, waiting for a tow truck that Caroline supposedly called. Elena wants to call Jenna or start walking but Caroline is acting a total weirdo. She is afraid of leaving her car behind (?) and threatens to use her mad girl voice with the tow company. Elena is upset that Caroline isn’t taking the hypothetically disastrous situation that Stefan could be in more seriously. Caroline launches into a tirade about how Elena and Stefan will never work because he’s going to be young and “smoking hot” forever while Elena will be old and in diapers with someone else’s babies. Elena storms off as the tow truck arrives.
Mason has arrived at the Mystic Grill. While exiting his car, he is approached by Damon who he assumes wants to make more dog jokes. How sadly you are mistaken mon frère. Damon full on stabs Mason in the chest with a silver knife. But wait! Mason pulls the knife out and tells Damon that werewolves started the whole silver myth. He is pissed that Damon ruined his shirt and declares them enemies.
Stefan has learned nothing over the course of the day, asking Katherine once again why she has returned to Mystic Falls. Katherine claims to have answered him five times already. She threatens to snap Elena’s neck, prompting Stefan to rush at her with a stake. At the last second he decides to throw the stake away instead of staking a bitch. Katherine continues with the threats, telling Stefan to dump Elena or she will begin killing everyone that Elena loves before finally killing Elena in front of him. Chick is hardcore. Stefan vamps out and strangles Katherine, telling her that he will kill her. She throws him into the wall and releases herself, then clues him in to the fact that she drinks vervain every day. She pretended to be tortured so she could spend time with him. PSYCHO FOR REAL.
Katherine and Stefan listen as Elena enters the Salvatore Boarding House, calling Stefan’s name. Katherine stakes Stefan’s leg before heading upstairs. She pops up behind Elena like a super creeper and gives her a once over. Stefan arrives, providing a distraction, and Katherine vanishes. Elena is ultra freaked by the encounter, as is Stefan. Hugs ensue.
Caroline is in the bathroom at the Mystic Grill when Katherine appears in the mirror behind her. Someone please get this girl a bell. It seems that Katherine tasked Caroline with distraction Elena while Katherine played her weirdo version of the flirting game. Katherine threatens to kill her if she doesn’t convince Elena to break up with Stefan. Because she has so much control over Elena’s life.
Mason arrives back at the Lockwood Mansion and Tyler asks how the barbecue of awesomeness went. Mason lies and says not well. Technically the BBQ itself was jamming. It was the whole being stabbed part after it that sucked. He asks Ty if he is still pissed who counters by asking Mason if he is still keeping secrets. Yeses all around. Ty wants to know what triggers the curse. Mason gets crazy aggressive, pushing Tyler into a wall before yelling at him that the curse becomes active once you kill a human being. Whoa.
Elena and Stefan enter the Mystic Grill where they spy Caroline sitting by her lonesome. Stefan grabs a table while Elena goes over to talk to her. Care apologizes for being so pessimistic earlier. Elena appreciates that she was just trying to be a good friend (yeah right). Elena rejoins Stefan so they can talk about Katherine and how deadly she is. Elena thinks that Katherine would have killed her already if that was her intention. Stefan isn’t so sure, having spent actual time with crazy. They discuss whether they should break up, ultimately staying together but questioning whether it’s the right move. Caroline, and Damon, listen in on the entire thing.
Damon exits the Grill only to find Katherine waiting for him. He is having a sad because he didn’t kill the werewolf. She tells him to ask Stefan about wolves and warns him against playing the hero. Damon, you’ll always be my hero.
Elena walks into her bedroom where she is greeted by Stefan. It seems their disagreement over the state of their relationship was a clever ruse, meant to deceive Caroline who they have figured out is working for/with Katherine. There are smooches and I’m only a tiny bit jealous. Elena is impressed (?) that Katherine would go through so much to get Stefan back. Stefan assures her that Katherine has a more devious end game. He doesn’t believe that she is capable of love.
1864- Katherine sees Stefan and Damon lying dead on the ground in the woods. George Lockwood approached to let her know that her carriage is waiting. She gives him the moonstone and threatens to kill him if anyone finds out that she is still alive. He leaves as Katherine looks down at Stefan. She touches his face and tells him that she loves him. She gives him one last kiss before leaving.
Present- Katherine touches her lips, remembering the last time she kissed Stefan. When he was dead.
BODY COUNT: 0
JENNA: “I have no secrets. Only dirty shame.”
MASON: “I know. I heard great things about you.”
DAMON: “Really? That’s weird ‘cause I’m a dick.”
DAMON: “Really? I always pegged you for a lone wolf.”
MASON: “I’m sure I wasn’t half the lady killer you were.”
DAMON: “I tried to kill a werewolf, I failed. Now I feel like I’m not living up to my best self.”