Make It Stop!: Songs I Never Want to Hear Again 1996-2000

Continuing from yesterday’s post about the songs that make me want to take a drill to my head. I was between the ages of ten and fourteen when these songs came out, and remember having pretty intense feelings of hatred.

As in the last post, I will try to pinpoint exactly what evokes such anger. If there is no description detailing what about the song has driven me to madness, well that just means that I couldn’t come up with anything better than “it makes my ears bleed”.

Here is the second of three posts about the worst songs in the world (well, my world at least):

Follow You Down - Congratulations I'm Sorry “Follow You Down” / Gin Blossoms (1996)

Change the World - Complete Clapton “Change the World” / Eric Clapton (1996)

I pretty much hate all Eric Clapton songs, but love The Yardbirds and Cream. I’m not sure how that works. This particular song reminds me of a theme song to a cheesy family dramedy. Something along the lines of Party of Five or Wonder Years.

I Believe I Can Fly - The R. In R&B Collection, Vol. 1 “I Believe I Can Fly” / R. Kelly (1996)

It cuts to my core how much I hate this fucking song. I love R. Kelly’s music and have sat through all chapters of Trapped in the Closet, but this song is the pits. It’s boring; I could care less about the “believe in yourself!” message that’s being spread. You want uplifting, motivational crap? Read Chicken Soup for the Soul.

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life) - International Superhits! “Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)” / Green Day (1997)

Know what I don’t want to hear in punk songs? Strings and mellow music. I’ll take ANY song from Dookie or Insomniac over this. FYI teenage girls- you don’t need to play this at every end of school year/graduation party. If high school was the time of your life, then you are fucked.

My Heart Will Go On - Let's Talk About Love “My Heart Will Go On” / Celine Dion (1997)

The only thing worse than this song is the version with dialogue from Titanic. Every time I have to hear Kate Winslet tell Leonard DiCaprio that she’ll never let go, I feel the need to ram my fist into a wall. The song was overplayed when it came out and I continue to hear it way too much. Guess what singing show contestants? Your voice will not sound like Celine’s. So please stop.

Candle In the Wind (1997) - The Timeless Classics of Elton John Performed By Studio 99 “Candle in the Wind 1997” / Elton John (1997)

I know this song was written for Princess Diana and that kind of makes me an asshole, but I hate it. As a rule I’m not really a fan of songs as eulogies. This song makes me feel so uncomfortable, like I’m attending the funeral of someone that I never met.

Kiss the Rain - Growing, Pains “Kiss the Rain” / Billie Myers (1997)

Her voice sounds like a cat being drowned. I have no clue why she was given any sort of record deal. The lyrics sound as if they were written by an elementary schooler. The song consists primarily of the following lyrics: “Kiss the rain”, “Think of me”, and “Can ya hear me?” Trash.

I Do - Firecracker “I Do” / Lisa Loeb (1997)

Faux earnestness kills me. This is the fluffiest break up song I’ve ever heard. Listen to her voice when she sings, “No one pushes me around.” I don’t believe her for a second.

Walking On the Sun - A Lot Like Love (Music from the Motion Picture) “Walking on the Sun” / Smash Mouth (1997)

An assault on my ears. His voice is total crap; I’m pretty sure he’s just yelling everything. Also, wtf is this lyric?: “I’d like to buy the world a toke.” If this is supposed to be a song about smoking up and chilling out, then epic fail.

My Father's Eyes - Complete Clapton “My Father’s Eyes” / Eric Clapton (1998)

Please see above comment about songs as eulogies.

I Don't Want to Miss a Thing - The Essential: Aerosmith “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing” / Aerosmith (1998)

This song dominated the summer of 1998. I could not escape it playing everywhere- the mall, the public pool, the grocery store. It sounds like it was written by Edward Cullen: “I could stay awake just to hear you breathing/ Watch you smile while you are sleeping/ While you’re far away and dreaming.” And that was not meant as a compliment.

Angel - Closer - The Best of Sarah McLachlan (Deluxe Version) “Angel” / Sarah McLachlan (1999)

Okay, so I just found out that THIS is the song used in the ASPCA commercials. See? Her songs are so shitty and sound the same that I can’t even tell them apart. Not a good sign.

That's the Way It Is - My Love (Ultimate Essential Collection) “That’s the Way It Is” / Celine Dion (1999)

Higher - Human Clay “Higher” / Creed (1999)

You'll Be In My Heart (Phil Collins Version) - Tarzan (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture) “You’ll Be in My Heart” / Phil Collins (1999)

I like songs from Disney movies. They are typically fun and/or awesome to sing. This does nothing for me, much like the movie it came from. Sorry Tarzan, but you can suck it.

From the Bottom of My Broken Heart - ...Baby One More Time “From the Bottom of My Broken Heart” / Britney Spears (1999)

I’m usually willing to give B. Spears the benefit of the doubt. She is a pop princess and I don’t expect much from her songs. That’s why it’s so painful when she tries to be deep. Seriously, she was seventeen when this song was released. She wasn’t heartbroken. Not be a long shot.

Babylon - White Ladder “Babylon” / David Gray (1999)

Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Blue (Da Ba Dee) - Single “Blue (Da Ba Dee)” / Eiffel 65 (1999)

The lyrics to this song do not make sense. The kids on the bus would “sing” this by making nonsense noises. They weren’t very far off seeing as this lyrics is repeated four times: “I’m blue da ba dee da ba die…” I’m not sure what you call that, but it’s not great writing.

Music of My Heart - Music of the Heart - The Album (Soundtrack from the Motion Picture) “Music of My Heart” / N’Sync and Gloria Estefan (1999)

It's My Life - Greatest Hits - The Ultimate Collection “It’s My Life” / Bon Jovi (2000)

I typically like Bon Jovi. “Livin’ on a Prayer” is classic awesomeness. This song, however, drives me nuts. It was crazy over-played on the radio when it came out, what with it being everyone’s anthem. I hate anthems.

Never Had a Dream Come True - 7 “Never Had a Dream Come True” / S Club 7 (2000)

You Sang to Me - Marc Anthony “You Sang to Me” / Marc Anthony (2000)

Absolutely (Story of a Girl) - The Madding Crowd “Absolutely (Story of a Girl)” / Nine Days (2000)

I Hope You Dance - I Hope You Dance “I Hope You Dance” / Lee Ann Womack (2000)

I have a general disdain for all songs that are quoted in high school yearbooks. Especially when the parents use the lyrics in the congratulations section. They were still doing it my senior year and I graduated five years after this song came out.

Beautiful Day - All That You Can't Leave Behind “Beautiful Day” / U2 (2000)


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