Recap That Noise: Vampire Diaries, 1.15 A Few Good Men

A hiker is walking alone through the woods. Never a good idea in Mystic Falls. He comes across Harper the Tomb Vampire who asks him what day it is. It certainly isn’t 1864! He apologizes to the hiker and drinks his blood. Then he strips him of his clothes.

Elena is sitting on an amazing porch swing, leaving a voicemail for Bonnie. Jenna joins her and Elena asks if she has learned any more info about her adoption. Jenna takes her inside to look at her father’s old appointment books. One contains an entry referencing an Isobel Peterson on the date Elena was born. She uses Bing to search for girls with the last name Peterson in the area who were born the same year as Isobel. It leads her to a woman named Trudie who attended high school with an Isobel Fleming. She gives Trudie’s address to Elena, telling her that she couldn’t find anything on Isobel. She also tells her that Alaric’s wife was from the area and named Isobel, but is now dead.

Since when can you find yearbooks from the 1991 online? I’m calling shenanigans.

Stefan and Elena are discussing the possibility that Ric’s wife could be her birth mother. They both think it would be too much of a coincidence.  Elena isn’t sure if she wants to know the truth, seeing as Ric’s wife is dead. Stefan offers to go with her if she wants to meet Trudie.

At the Salvatore Boarding House, Damon is drinking from several half-dressed girls. Stefan shows up to crash the party and have a talk. Damon tells him that he shouldn’t be concerned. So what if he’s been looking to free Katherine for the last 145 years while she was gallivanting around? Now that he doesn’t have a master plan, he’s free to do whatever he wants. Right now that means drinking from sorority girls and compelling them to forget. Stefan tries to ask him Isobel about but his memory is a little fuzzy.

Matt and Caroline are cuddling on the couch at his house, watching TV. Caroline tells him that she’s bored and wants to make use of the “bachelor pad”. I hate that phrase. They start making out and shirts come flying off. Caroline is seriously one of the luckiest girls on earth. Just when things are starting to good, Matt’s mom appears!

Please sir, I’d like some more.

Alaric and Jenna are hanging a banner at the Mystic Grill and discussing the upcoming Council Fundraiser. They are auctioning off eligible bachelors. This is amazing and I am jealous that I don’t live in Mystic Falls. So much access to so much hotness. Ric kisses Jenna and she decides to ruin the moment by talking about Isobel. She tells him that they recently found out Elena’s birth mother shared her name. Ric is skeptical seeing as his wife never had a baby, but Jenna shows him a picture from the Internet. He is flustered, taking off.

Elena has driven to Trudie’s, looking for answers about Isobel. She tells Trudie that she’s Isobel’s daughter and is asked in for tea. Trudie is kind of shady, watching very closely as Elena enters the house. She doesn’t seem to have much in the way of answers. which makes sense because she hasn’t seen Isobel in seventeen years. Elena asks if she knows who her father is. Trudie seems suspiciously quiet before telling her that Isobel never talked about him. She does know that she ended up getting a scholarship to Duke. She goes to grab the tea, texting someone a message reading “She’s here.”

Matt is making breakfast for his mother who is being very vague about her recent whereabouts. She refers to Caroline as the blonde flavor of the month, which upsets Matt because he is the most amazing boyfriend ever. She also calls her mother Lezzie Forbes. Matt’s mom is kind of a bitch. He asks if she’s heard from Vicki which of course she hasn’t. She tells him that Vicki will come around when she needs something. He asks if that is what she’s doing and she tells him no but seems super sketchy.

Ric and Stefan meet in the town square to discuss Isobel. Ric tells him that his dead wife and Elena’s birth mother are in fact the same person. Ric asks how much Elena knows about the vampire situation. Stefan tells him she knows he and Damon are vampires, but doesn’t know anything about Damon and Isobel. Ric pushes him to get more information about Isobel’s disappearance from Damon but Stefan is worried that Damon’s state of mind is too fragile. He warns Ric not to push Damon or he could get killed. Ric gives him a picture of Isobel to show Damon in hopes of jogging his memory.

FLASHBACK! Ric is trying to get Isobel to come to bed while she’s typing a paper. She’s writing her thesis on Mystic Falls and the mysterious animal attacks that result in bodies drained of blood. Apparently it’s so engrossing that she doesn’t want to sleep next to her super hot husband, preferring to work at night. Weirdo. Ric is awesome, cracking jokes about grabbing his garlic and holy water, and referring to her as Mulder. She is adamant that vampires are real, and she’s going to get proof.

Elena and Trudie page through an old yearbook, coming across the picture she found online of them in cheerleading uniforms. Trudie mentions that Elena hasn’t touched her tea, prompting her to take a sip. She notices that it tastes of vervain and asks Trudie if she knows. Trudie tries to play dumb but Elena remembers that she didn’t officially invite her into the house. Trudie asks her to leave. As she is getting into her car, she sees a man in the middle of the road, staring at the house.

Shady bro.

Alaric is day drinking at the Mystic Grill when Damon takes a seat next to him. They have an awkward exchange about how Damon doesn’t seem like the depressed type. Damon is like, “You don’t know me” and Ric tells him it’s just a hunch. Then he takes off. Sheriff Forbes joins Damon to ask him for a favor. She wants him to be one of the eligible bachelors auctioned off for the fundraiser. BEST IDEA EVER. He agrees if she will look into Alaric for him.

The man from the middle of the road knocks on Trudie’s door. He thanks her for the text about Elena. She swears that she didn’t tell Elena anything. She tries to close the door but the man stops her. She tells him that she hasn’t invited him in and he tells her that he isn’t a vampire so that rule doesn’t apply. She screams about how she did her part, but he doesn’t care. As she tries to escape, he throws her down the stairs, killing her.

Harper is wandering around town square, overwhelmed by all the sights and sounds. A lot has changed since 1864. He sees a woman that looks familiar to him. They lock eyes.

Elena enters Stefan’s room looking for him, but finding Damon. He is shirtless. It is a thing of beauty. She asks how he’s doing and he tells her he is one of Mystic Falls eligible bachelors. He is too drunk to button his shirt so Elena helps him. Bless my heart. She tells him that she found her birth mother but he thinks she sucks for abandoning her. Stefan arrives and Damon leaves. Elena fills him in on her meeting with Trudie and how she knew about vervain and vampires. Stefan shows her the picture of Isobel that Ric gave him and tells her that she was killed by a vampire. He asks her to hold off on talking to Ric about Isobel until he can gather a little more info.

I think my heart just stopped.

The Founder’s Day Fundraiser is in full swing at the Mystic Grill with Mrs. Lockwood announcing that raffle tickets are on sale. Ric and Jenna are bar side, being adorable. He apologizes for essentially fleeing when she told him about Isobel being Elena’s birth mother. She tells him that he should talk to Elena but he doesn’t seem to think it would be a good idea.

At the Salvatore Boarding House, Damon is awesome asking Stefan where their girlfriend went. Stefan shows him the picture of Isobel and asks if he remembers her. He says he doesn’t but you never know with Damon. He is awesome again, referring to the Real Housewives of Mystic Falls.

Elena, Caroline, and Matt are chatting at the Mystic Grill. Caroline proudly tells Elena that Matt has been hit on by several cougars. Eww. She greets Mrs. Donovan, who is only interested in saying hello to Elena. Elena is obviously comfortable with her, giving her a hug and calling her Kelly. Kelly cracks a joke about Elena breaking Matt’s heart and refers to Caroline as his rebound girl. My favorite part about this is that she calls him Matty, which is my nickname for my little brother. She buys some tickets from Caroline and makes reference to Bachelor #3’s penis. She would be so awesome if she would just stop hating on Caroline.

Damon is chatting with Mrs. Lockwood about the date he has planned for whomever buys him at the auction. It includes dinner and a secluded woodsy spot. Maybe it’s just me, but that sounds a little rapey. Apparently it doesn’t sound that way to Mrs. Lockwood who suggests she buy some tickets. Damon spots Sheriff Forbes and leaves to talk to her. She ran a check on Ric and could only find a few speeding tickets. She fills Damon in on his missing wife drama and shows her a copy of Isobel’s license.

Stefan arrives just as Mrs. Lockwood is questioning the bachelors on their professions. Ric kind of bumbles his way through telling everyone he’s a history teacher while Damon oozes charm, as per usual. He makes subtle digs at Ric, mentioning that he has traveled to North Carolina and in fact had a drink with Ric’s wife.

How do I make this happen in my town?

Elena puts two and two together, storming outside for some air with Stefan trailing her. She’s angry that she’s been concerned about how Damon has been handling the Katherine situation when he killed her birth mother. Stefan tells her that Damon doesn’t know the connection to Elena. She sees the man from the middle of the road and goes back inside.

Mrs. Lockwood announces the winners of the auction. Kelly got Bachelor #3, her high school ex with the small penis. Excellent. Mrs. Lockwood is kind of awesome, hinting that Kelly and the plumber are a perfect match. Caroline tries to be nice to her but Mrs. Donovan is a super bitch. She tells Caroline that she tries too hard to be fake nice, like her mother. She doesn’t get what Matt sees in her and doesn’t like her. Way harsh.

All I could think was Julie Cooper.

Elena runs into Damon inside and tells him that he killed her birth mother. Damon makes his oh shit face while Elena marches outside once again. The man from the road approaches her and Stefan with a message: Stop looking for her. He has been compelled to tell her that Isobel doesn’t want to be found. Once his message has been delivered, he steps into the road and is hit by a car. Bummer. Once the ambulance arrives, Elena finds the man’s phone in the road and pockets it.

Mrs. Lockwood is still announcing winners inside. Jenna won Alaric and Mrs. Lockwood won Damon. Surprise surprise. But Damon is nowhere to be found. When Jenna goes to collect her date, Ric tells her that he’ll call her later and bails.

FLASHBACK! Ric and Isobel are arguing about her interest (or obsession) in vampires. Ric wants her to give it up so they can be normal people living normal lives. She argues that this is important to her, and maybe she wants more than a normal life. Poor Ric.

Matt steers Kelly into the Donovan house seeing as she is SUPER PLASTERED. She apologies to Matt for being gone and says that she’s done with her boyfriend Pete. She tells Matt that he is all she has left and make him promise not to leave her. They are both teary-eyed as he covers her with a blanket. Thanks for making me feel all the feels.

Best son ever.

Damon is at the Salvatore Boarding House having a drink when Ric come charging in, stake in hand. He throws Ric across the room, who bounces up pretty quickly and asks where Isobel is. Damon tells him that he turned her. She came to him, begging to be turned into a vampire. Damon is a super douche, telling Ric how she hated her life at home and slept with him to boot. Ric charges at Damon and he is impaled with his own stake!

Seriously douchey behavior.

Damon says he punctured a lung and seems happy to sit and watch Ric die. Stefan enters the room and asks Damon what happened. He tells him that Ric attacked him after he told the truth about Isobel. He thinks that Isobel has a connection to Katherine, and that is why she came to him to change her. Damon leaves Stefan to take care of Ric’s body.

Stefan is sitting next to Ric on the floor when he comes back to life! Stefan asked if Damon turned him, but Ric says he just stabbed him. Stefan thinks someone slipped him vampire blood but Ric looks at his ring and tells him it’s Isobel.

FLASHBACK! Isobel hands Ric a box. He opens it to find his hideous large ring that he told Jeremy was a family heirloom. She doesn’t tell him where she got it from, but makes him promise to always wear it. She says it will protect him “from all the things that go bump in the night”. The ugly ring is supposed to be her apology for being crazy. She then describes herself as selfish, obsessed and a horrible wife. Sign me up! Ric tells her that he loves her.

Ugly jewelry, a Mystic Falls staple.

Ric and Stefan examine his ring. Ric says that even though it’s impossible, the ring protected him.

At the Gilbert house, Elena is gazing at a picture of her and her adoptive parents in a cheesy frame. She pulls out the phone she picked up in the road and calls the last number dialed. A woman answers, asking if there was a problem. Elena asks if it is Isobel and the call is disconnected.

Harper is wandering through the woods until he comes to a house where the woman from the town square answers the door. She tells Pearl that it’s Harper. Pearl and Anna come out with a compelled human named Mrs. Gibbons. She invites Harper inside.

BODY COUNT: 4

Hiker, Trudie Peterson, Man in the Road, Alaric (kind of)

QUOTABLES

DAMON: “Hey, are you coming? The Real Housewives of Mystic Falls await.”

NICE TO MEET YOU

Melinda Clarke as Kelly Donovan

Amanda Detmer as Trudie Peterson

Jeni Perillo as Bethanne (Town Square Woman)

MUSIC

“Black Hearts (On Fire)” by JET. Damon partying with sorority girls at the Salvatore Boarding House.

“Time Is A Runaway” by The Alternate Routes. Damon and Alaric talk at the bar; Sheriff Forbes asks Damon to be in the Bachelor Auction.

“Your Eyes Are Liars” by Sound Team. Jenna and Alaric talk at the Bachelor Auction.

“Real You” by Above the Golden State. Damon talks to Mrs. Lockwood about his date plans.

“Something In Common” by Free Energy. Mrs. Lockwood questions the bachelors.

“Winter Night” by Sweet Thing. Mrs. Donovan tells Caroline she doesn’t like her.

“Portrait Of A Summer Thief” by Sounds Under Radio. Alaric is raffled off to Jenna.

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