Recap That Noise: Vampire Diaries, 1.12 Unpleasantville

In her bedroom, Elena asks Stefan about the man that she hit in the road but he doesn’t know who he was. He gives her vervain in the form of ugly necklaces and bracelets for her family and friends. Thanks for the not so awesome gifts. Downstairs Jeremy’s sketching is interrupted by the pizza man. Mmmm, pizza. Jeremy invites him in while Elena brings down money. He is conveniently wearing a dark hoodie. Stupid Gilberts.

Damon is pawing through the amazing library at the Salvatore Boarding House. Stefan is still upset about Damon bringing Elena to Atlanta. He taunts Damon about Katherine being stuck in the tomb while he gets to be with the person he loves. Damon is awesome telling him to go to school.

After history class, Alaric hands Jeremy his research paper. He asks Jeremy if he really believes in vampires and Jer starts talking about animal attack statistics, etc. Ric tells him not to get caught up in the conspiracies and asks if he can borrow Jonathan Gilbert’s creepy journal, which Jeremy just happens to have with him. He forks it over and Ric gets to reading.

At lunch, Elena gives Caroline her very own vervain necklace and Caroline is awesome asking if it’s a lesbian gift. She asks why Elena is being mushy and Elena counters, asking why she has been avoiding her, knowing it has something to do with Matt. Caroline tells her that they’ve hung out, but nothing else has happened. She feels super weird talking to Elena about it, seeing as Matt hasn’t moved on from her. Elena tells her she is with Stefan and that’s that.

Speaking of His Super Hotness, Matt is filling out a job application at the Mystic Grill. He is approached by Sean Faris from Sleepover who is now a bartender called Ben McKittrick. Like Matt, he was a Mystic Falls football star. Across the Grill, Elena is telling Bonnie all about being adopted. Bonnie suggests that she ask Jenna if she wants more details. On her way out Bonnie runs into Damon. She’s still pissed he tried to kill her and threatens to set him on fire. Ben plays the hero, coming over to make sure Bonnie is okay. There is a lot of heavy flirting and serious eye contact.

Hottest busboy EVER.

Elena’s phone rings while she’s walking to her car. The man from the road has her phone number! She quickly gets into her car and drives away as he approaches.

Elena is at the Salvatore Boarding House telling Stefan about the creepy phone call. He gives her the Gilbert watch so she’ll be able to detect vampires. He tells her that he knew her ancestors who were part of the ‘Rid Mystic Falls of Vampires’ team back in the day. Then they smooch.

Caroline and Matt are painting banners (and each other) at MFHS. Matt is surprised that Caroline is any fun. She asks if they should color-coordinate for the dance but he isn’t going because he has to work. She’s super snooty about him having a job. Look, the kid lives all alone. How did she think he fed himself? She tries to back pedal but Matt takes off.

Anna meets Jeremy at the Mystic Grill. She asks about his paper and he tells her that he’s going to serve punch at the dance. She obviously wants to go on a date with him but he isn’t into it. For some reason this makes me laugh.

He is so NOT into you.

Tension is super thick between Jenna and Elena as Jenna prepares for the Decade Dance; Alaric asked if she would chaperone. Elena is still pissed that Jenna never told her she was adopted. Jenna tells her that her biological mother was a sixteen year old runaway who showed up on their doorstep, gave birth, and disappeared. They wanted a baby and Mr. Gilbert was a doctor, so they forged her birth certificate. Elena asks if she knew anything more about the girl and Jenna tells her that her name was Isobel.

Damon is at the Salvatore Boarding House making a list of past members of the Founder’s Council. Stefan drops their father’s journal on his desk. He knows that Damon has been looking for it but tells him that it doesn’t contain any references to Katherine or the tomb. He is surprisingly snarky, and I like it. He offers to help Damon in releasing Katherine, if it means getting him out of town. Damon questions his motive. Stefan continues to be wonderful, pointing out that Damon is the one with a history of lying.

Elena is preparing for the Decade Dance with some seriously awesome hair. I can never get mine to have that much volume. Suddenly the Gilbert watch/compass, lying carelessly on her bed, starts to turn. A vampire is about! Elena finally notices the VERY loud ticking sound it makes and calls Stefan. Damon answers his phone telling her that Stefan is on his way. Above Elena there is a NINJA VAMPIRE on the ceiling! He drops down behind her just as Stefan charges in and saves the day.

Fantastic hair.

Damon arrives to ask all the important questions, such as how did he get in? Ninja warrior vamp was the pizza guy from the night before! Stefan asks Damon if he knows who he is but no dice. Stefan is very concerned that he has been invited in, so Damon offers to help take care of it. He tells Elena to go to the dance with Stefan as planned, hoping to draw him out. I love when Elena says, “I’ll be with the two of you. I’ll be safe.” Now Damon is part of the club!

The Decade Dance is in full swing! Caroline and Bonnie are super adorable, dancing in their cute costumes. Elena arrives with the Salvatore boys, looking uneasy. Alaric spots them and instantly recognizes Damon. He glowers in their direction until Jenna arrives to distract him. Did I mention how very handsome Ric looks in the his letterman jacket? Caroline and Bonnie join Elena at the punch bowl and trash on Damon. Jenna tells Ric she can see a change in Jeremy so he starts talking about his dead wife. Those two. Damon asks Bonnie to dance but she is less than receptive. He asks Elena to dance and she walks off with Stefan. Homeboy is striking out hard. Creeper ninja vamp is stalking Elena through the crowd.

Sisters before misters?

Stefan and Elena dance, looking out for ninja vamp. Elena asks Stefan about living in the fifties. He is a downer, talking about nuclear war and McCarthyism and horribleness. Thank you Dour Stefan. Jeremy is serving punch when Anna approaches. She totally admits to inviting herself and stalking Jeremy. At least she gets Emo to smile.

Bonnie and Caroline have ditched the dance and are looking to score at the Mystic Grill. Awesome. Bonnie suggests they sit at the bar where Ben is working. Matt overhears Caroline trash talking Ben for being “a washed-up jock who pours drinks for a living.” Way harsh Tai.

Damon gazes longingly at Stefan and Elena as they cut a rug on the dance floor. Ric approaches him, introducing himself and asking if he’s a chaperone. He asks A LOT of questions including if their parents are dead (what is it with this guy and deadness?), if he travels, and whether said traveling is done around the US. Damon picks up on the weirdness but Ric takes off.

I want a spin-off where they hang out together at various school dances.

Bonnie and Caroline have settled at a table a safe distance from the bar. Caroline is depressed so Bonnie tells her to talk to Matt. She then goes to snag herself a bartender. Ben is flirty, encouraging Bonnie to ask him on a date. Caroline chides Matt for avoiding her. Matt throws her words from earlier in her face.

Anna stacks cups with Jeremy at the refreshment table. This girl is seriously desperate if she is resorting to manual labor to spend time with him. Without any sort of natural segue, she asks to borrow Jonathan Gilbert’s journal. Jeremy tells her that he loaned it out to his history teacher and she starts acting kinda crazy. She’s all, you shouldn’t loan that out to just anyone, but loan it to me. She goes so far as to suggest they break  into Ric’s classroom to see if he left it there. Jeremy asks what the big deal is and SHE GETS THE VEINY EYES! Anna is a vampire! Jeremy notices the creepy eyes and asks what’s up, but she bails.

Elena and Stefan are swaying away on the dance floor. Stefan apologizes for the crazy ninja vamp that is stalking her. Suddenly “Great Balls of Fire” comes on and Elena is all “YOU MUST DANCE!” She forces Stefan to spin her around like they’re at a sock hop and I am totally jealous. For being 162 years old, the guy can move.

Meanwhile, Anna is roaming the high school hallways when she runs into crazy stalker ninja vamp. He likes Elena because she looks like Katherine, who Anna reminds us is still in the tomb. So Anna and this dude knew Katherine? The plot thickens. Turns out his name is Noah, he knew the Salvatore brothers, and he is working with Anna to release Katherine from the tomb. Awesomeness.

The only thing frightening about him is his butt chin.

Inside the ballroom (of sorts) Damon is dancing with an unidentified blonde. It is hilarious. Elena and Stefan are getting a kick out of it when she spots Noah. Stefan tells her to get Damon and charges through the halls after Noah. But it isn’t him, it’s a random kid in a hoodie. Inside Elena is searching for Damon in a panic when she receives a call from Noah. He tells her to go through the exit door or he will kill Jeremy. She runs into the hall, panting and sliding around. Not her best look. She runs into the cafeteria and she is trapped with Noah! Who has the least threatening name ever!

Noah throws Elena over a table and slams her up against a wall. Good thing she found a pencil to stab him with. Too bad she missed the heart. She gets in another stabbing, this time through the hand, and attempts a third with a broom handle but he swats it away. Lucky for Elena, Stefan and Damon arrive to take him out. He tries to escape but the brothers use Salvatore Power! and stake him in a non-lethal way. Stefan gets him to answer their questions by twisting the stake in his gut.

Stefan asks why he’s attacking Elena and Noah tells him it’s because she looks like Katherine. Damon asks how to get into the tomb and Noah tells him the grimoire, the location of which is in Jonathan Gilbert’s journal. Anna watches this exchange through the cafeteria door. When Stefan asks who is working with him, she bolts. Stefan stakes Noah, this time in a fully lethal way which upsets Elena. Stefan tells her it must be done because he had been invited in.

Damon sees Alaric walking through the halls and tries to compel him. He asks what he’s doing in Mystic Falls, if he knows what Damon is, if he’s telling the truth. Finally, he compels him to forget the conversation. As Damon walks away, Ric opens his hand to reveal that he was holding vervain.

Mystic Falls is turning into vervain central.

Damon and Stefan chat in the hallway post-slayage. Now Stefan knows that Damon is looking for Emily’s grimoire to open the tomb. He offers once again to help, no strings attached. Damon still doesn’t trust him but agrees to accept his help.

Caroline apologizes to Matt while he buses tables at the Mystic Grill. She didn’t mean to hurt Matt’s feelings when she called Ben a washed-up jock. Matt tells her that while he likes being friends with her, he doesn’t want to take the next step because he still isn’t over Elena. Caroline is pissed that he’s played out some big epic fail of a dating scenario in his head and tells him they’re through with whatever it is they’ve had going on. I get that we’re supposed to feel bad for Caroline here but my heart is hurting for Matt.

Alaric walks Jenna to her door after the dance. He thanks her for putting up with the dead wife talk and invites her out on a date. Aunt Jenna is getting lucky! Because she is super desperate, she tells him it’s okay to talk about dead wife all he wants. He tells her dead wife is named Isobel. Uh oh.

Caroline is walking home all sad from the Grill when Matt pulls alongside her and is super manly being all, “Get in the truck.” I know that sounds bad to some people but I seriously want a guy to demand I get into his pickup. It’s like a dream of mine. AND HE KISSES HER and it makes my heart explode.

I AM FEELING ALL THE FEELINGS.

Elena and Stefan discuss the events of the evening and how not scared Elena is. She’s proud she fought back, which yay? She stabbed him with some pencils. She’s not exactly Buffy. Stefan tells her he offered to help Damon open the tomb and free Katherine. AND HE IS LYING. Bad Stefan. Very bad Stefan. He is worried that Elena is beginning to bond with Damon and trust him. Elena offers to help him in his LIES.

Ben exits the Mystic Grill while creepy Anna looks on. She is stalking him because that’s her thing. She bares her fangs and attacks, but he slams her up against a wall! And this is some sort of weird foreplay? Gross. She tells him that the Salvatore brothers killed Noah and isn’t really upset about it. Ben tells her that the witch is crushing on him so they make out. Ugh.

BODY COUNT: 1

Noah

QUOTABLES

ALARIC: “A first-person account of the Civil War? That`s like, uh, porn for a history teacher.”

CAROLINE: “A lesbian-friend necklace, cause we’re freaky like that?”

STEFAN: “I’m really sorry that it won’t be of any help with your diabolical plan, the sequel.”

NICE TO MEET YOU

Sean Faris as Ben McKittrick

Dillon Casey as Noah

MUSIC

“There’s This There’s That” by We Barbarians. Matt tells Ben he’s applying to work at the Mystic Grill; Elena tells Bonnie she was adopted.

“Pacer” by Systems Officer. Anna asks Jeremy about his paper.

“This Magic Moment” by The Misfits. Caroline and Bonnie dance at the Decade Dance; Stefan, Elena and Damon arrive; Alaric recognizes Damon.

“Everyday” by Rogue Wave. Jenna asks Alaric about his wife; Elena asks Stefan to dance.

“Dreams Are For the Lucky” by Jef Scot. Elena and Stefan dance and search for Noah.

“Keep It Cool (Bo Flex Remix)” by U.S. Royalty. Bonnie and Caroline discuss where to sit at the Mystic Grill.

“Runaway” by The Misfits. Stefan and Elena dance; Alaric introduces himself to Damon.

“Everybody” by Autovaughn. Bonnie talks to Ben at the Mystic Grill.

“Slow Dance” by Jacko Marcellino. Anna asks to read Jonathan Gilbert’s journal; Stefan apologizes for Noah.

“Great Balls of Fire” by The Misfits. Stefan spins Elena around the dance floor.

“My Boyfriend’s Back” by The Raveonettes. Damon dances with unknown blonde; Elena spots Noah.

“Now That We’ve Grown” by St. Leonards. Matt tells Caroline he’s not over Elena.

“Mr. Sandman” by Oranger. Anna and Ben kiss.

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