Recap That Noise: Vampire Diaries, 1.07 Haunted

Tyler is walking through the high school parking lot towards a totally sweet muscle car. He hears strange sounds and surprise! Vicki, our favorite newly turned vampire, is hiding in his car. Vicki is freaking out (rightfully so) but Tyler thinks she’s either on drugs or wigging about the murders in the cemetery. It’s weird to see him be so sweet, offering her a shoulder to cry on and a ride home. Maybe she’s not just a piece of ass? Vicki can’t control her hunger and vamps out. Stefan and Damon show up just in time to save Tyler from having a hole in his neck. Damon compels Tyler to forget that any of them were there and throws him across the lot. In other words, Damon is awesome.

Now I know why Vicki is banging him.

The next morning Elena runs into Jeremy in the bathroom. He tells her that he is going to the police station to help search for Vicki. Elena tries to convince him to go to school but Jeremy isn’t having it.

While various students are prepping for a Halloween themed celebration at the school, Matt receives a call from Vicki. She tells him that she is okay but needs time to figure things out so don’t look for her. Way harsh. Turns out Vicki is at the Salvatore Boarding House, going through her change with the Brothers Salvatore. Damon notices that Logan’s death has been covered up and is curious as to why he had the old compass. Stefan tries to use this opportunity to shoo Damon out of town. Good luck with that.

Vicki is hungry so Stefan gives her a mug of animal blood. Damon is delightfully snarky, making fun of Stefan’s eating habits. Damon tells Vicki that you don’t have to kill humans to drink their blood. You can take a little and compel them to forget. Stefan is very much opposed to this idea. He is worried that Vicki won’t have enough control and will wind up killing someone, regretting it for the rest of her (now) eternal life. I would agree with Stefan but he always seems to be on his high horse. He lectures rather than discussing why he has chosen his lifestyle over Damon’s “snatch, eat, erase” philosophy.

Who knew reading the paper could be so sexy?

Damon, having enough of Saint Stefan, heads downstairs. On his way out the doorbell rings and it’s Elena, looking for Stefan. She is awfully sassy for someone who knows he is a vampire and could swat her like a fly. He makes an amazing My Fair Lady reference and points her upstairs. Stefan lays out his plan for protecting the town from Vicki while Elena whines about having to keep her vampirism a secret. Growing up I lied to my brothers all the time; I don’t get why she’s getting all bent out of shape.

Meanwhile, Bonnie is finally chilling with Grams! If I had a wine swilling Grandma who could make fire with her mind… actually, I probably wouldn’t hang out with her because I’d be too stressed that she would get drunk and accidentally light the curtains on fire. Grams is known around town as a witch (though no one takes it seriously) and teaches an occult course at the local college. Bonnie wants to skip the family history lessons and get on with the spells but Grams gets super serious on her, letting her know magic is not fun. I beg to differ. Have you ever seen “Sabrina, the Teenage Witch”?

Can we please be BFFs?

Mayor and Mrs. Lockwood are meeting at the Mystic Grill. They are concerned that they are in danger from the “it” that stole the Gilbert watch from Logan Fell. Damon, sitting at the bar getting his day drink on, uses his super hearing to eavesdrop.

While the high school gets progressively more Halloweened out, Tyler approaches Matt and asks if he can join the search party to help find Vicki. Matt lets him know that Vicki called and is okay. It’s nice to see Tyler take time out from being a dick every once in a while. Caroline arrives with a costume for Bonnie and it’s a dress, pointy hat and Damon’s crystal which I guess equals witch. Sometimes I really adore Caroline. She just wants to get into Halloween and it’s like she is reading my mind. Costumes for everyone, please!

Back at the Salvatore Boarding House, Stefan is giving Vicki how to be a vamp lessons. Apparently it involves drinking a lot of coffee so you can trick humans into thinking you have a warm body. For some reason this info really creeps me out. I feel as though I should go around to all of my friends and demand to know if they are humans or just coffee-swilling vampires. They could be anyone! Vicki isn’t feeling Stefan’s 12 step like approach to not drinking from humans. He is bordering on after-school special territory. Perhaps people would take you more seriously if you weren’t so patronizing. BTW, Elena is sitting at the table observing and I don’t get why. She doesn’t want to be with Stefan and knows that he is watching over Vicki so why is she there?

Because Vicki is a huge failure at life, Elena tells her she doesn’t want her seeing Jeremy. Vicki is all like, bitch please, I’m a vampire and I do what I want. She seems to have a serious inferiority complex. Wait, can you have an inferiority complex if you are actually inferior? She grabs Elena by the throat and tells her off for breaking Matt’s heart. I kind of like Vicki in this moment. My brothers have some exes that I could definitely see having this discussion with.

Gold star for referring to Elena as a perky little bitch.

Elena tattles to Stefan, which I guess is warranted. He doesn’t know when Vicki will be able to control herself which is the opposite of reassuring. Elena asks when he learned to control it and Stefan is pretty vague. It seems like there is some missing back story here. He agrees with Elena that Vicki cannot see Jeremy. He promises once again that nobody will get hurt. I think Stefan doth protest a little too much. Elena can only take so much drama and bails.

Vicki asks Damon why he turned her and it turns out boredom is the buzzword. She tells him she’s bored and hungry. Like super hungry. For blood. He offers to take her out for a night on the town. Stefan tries to stop them from leaving and Damon is awesome when he says she isn’t Anne Frank. Stefan is worried that someone will get hurt but Damon tells him to chill as they are only going in the front yard. He shows her how to use super speed and surprise! She super speeds away, losing the wonder twins.

“Uh, my bad.”

Vicki tries to get into her house but can’t enter until Matt invites her. When he hugs her, her teeth come awfully close to his neck and it makes me uncomfortable. She tries to brush off Matt when he tells her how worried he’s been but he lays into her. It’s nice to see Matt stand up for himself. Stefan shows up but Vicki tells Matt to make him leave. Since he hasn’t been invited in, there isn’t much he can do.

Meanwhile at the Gilbert house, Jeremy is leaving desperate voicemails for Vicki to call him. Newsflash! Desperation is not sexy; she’ll never stop thinking of you as a puppy dog if you don’t stop acting like one. Elena tries to talk him into letting Vicki go by suggesting they go to the Halloween dance. This is the best idea she’s had yet. Jeremy tells her he’s only happy when Vicki is around and blah blah emo emo blah blah. Someone give this kid a cookie. Vicki sends a conveniently timed text asking him to meet her at the Halloween dance.

The decorations at the dance are fancier than my prom and I am officially crazy jealous. Also, Bonnie and Caroline are both dressed as witches and it is adorable. Though Bonnie’s blonde wig is not doing her any favors. Tyler offers them some Lockwood family recipe cider while shirtless. Please always be shirtless. He has a cute little glass clinking moment with Caroline who is ready to get boozy. Cheers!

Yes, please.

Mayor and Mrs. Lockwood are dressed in flapper finest at the Mystic Grill. He asks how many martinis she has had and she’s all don’t you start with me. A drunk flapper is a fun flapper! Mayor is kind of a dick and ditches him wife to head to the high school dance. Lucky for her something better comes along in the very handsome form of Damon. Mrs. Lockwood does some hardcore flirting and can you blame the woman? She asks if he is related to Zach and he tries to compel her to tell him how she knows Zach but it doesn’t work. He sees that she is wearing a bracelet containing vervain. However, she boozed up enough to tell the Damon the truth anyway. She knows Zach from the Founder’s Council. Damon mentions vervain, letting Mrs. Lockwood know that he knows about the things that go bump in the night. Interesting tactic.

Elena shows up to the dance as a slutty nurse. Super original. This is still better than Jeremy’s costume which seems to consist of a black hoodie. Awesome bro. They bump into Doctor Matt. I usually find the matchy matchy couples costumes annoying but Matt is just so cute. Jeremy abandons them to find Vicki. Matt tells Elena that Vicki is at the dance and Elena starts hyperventilating. Vicki is wandering around dressed as a vampire. She almost seems on the verge of losing it due to all the necks in the hallway when Stefan pulls her into a classroom. He tries to convince her that now is not the time to practice how far she can push her self-control.

I like to think she just had this lying around.

Back at the Grill, Mrs. Lockwood is spilling ALL the beans. Zach used to provide all of the Founder’s Council with vervain but he’s “on vacation” so everyone’s supply is running low. Damon flirts his pretty little butt off, pumping her for more info. Apparently the Founders’s Party was thrown during the day so they could eliminate guests from the suspected vampire pool. They leave to walk to the dance.

Stefan is leading Vicki around the school by her arm like a petulant child. It is kind of hilarious. They run into Elena and Matt and Vicki stages a big scene, accusing Stefan of bothering her. As Matt gets ready to throw fisticuffs, she vanishes. Stefan pushes Matt into a wall and tells him that he is trying to help Vicki. Uncalled for.

I am NOT okay with this.

Vicki finds Emo and they make out in a hallway lit by a black light. It’s all very middle school.

Outside Damon runs into Bonnie and asks about Caroline. As Bonnie throws him some serious shade, he notices that she is wearing his crystal. He asks her to give it to him (it is his after all) but she tells him that he can get it from Caroline later. He tries to grab it off her neck but it burns his hand. Bonnie freaks and takes off running.

Elena and Stefan are searching the hallways for Vicki and Jeremy who are making out between some buses in the parking lot. In between the smooching she tells him that she is taking off and wants him to come with her. Worst idea ever but since he is the worst, he agrees. Good luck renting an apartment with your 15 year old boyfriend. She accidentally bites his lip and he starts bleeding. He freaks out when she starts sucking on it, pushing her away. She vamps out and charges toward him.

Here comes Nurse Elena to save the day! Or not. She swings a 2×4 she conveniently found but Vicki swats her aside like a fly. Real Hero Stefan arrives and slams her into the bus. Vicki vanishes but reappears moments later, sinking her teeth into Elena’s shoulder. Stefan stakes her but unlike most vampires in film she does not turn to dust. Instead her whole body gets veiny, her skin turns grey, and tears of blood fall from her eyes. Stefan restrains a heartbroken Jeremy.

Emo feels all the feelings.

Elena tells Stefan to get Jeremy out of there and she will take care of the body? She’s bleeding pretty heavily from her shoulder so I don’t see that happening. Lucky for her, Stefan calls Damon and asks for his help.

Bonnie has run all the way to Gram’s house. I’d love to see a map of Mystic Falls. Can someone please get on that? Anyway, she shows Grams the crystal who recognizes it from an old family portrait.

Damon shows up in the parking lot of dispose of Vicki’s body. Elena is furious, blaming everything on him, even going as far as to hit him. He is vaguely threatening, telling her that her wounds are bleeding and she needs to leave. I can’t tell if he really doesn’t give a damn about what happened or is saving face.

Matt sees Elena heading out and notices the blood pouring from her shoulder. She makes up a lie about someone getting her with fake blood. When he asks if she has seen Vicki, she tells a half-truth saying she doesn’t know where she is. Matt breaks my heart into a thousand pieces, asking if he’s in for a lifetime of worrying about his sister.

Elena finds Stefan waiting for her on the porch at home. She heads inside to check on Jeremy who doesn’t understand what’s happened. He begs her to make his hurting stop and cries on her non-injured shoulder. I legit feel horrible for him, especially when he asks why everyone has to die on him. Stefan is a super creep, listening to their very sad and private moment with his super hearing.

Matt comes home to an empty house and I may or may not start crying for him.

Elena asks Stefan if he is okay. He is noticeably upset that he couldn’t save Vicki and mold her into a functioning member of society. Elena asks him to make Jeremy forget but he tells her that it probably wouldn’t work. Damon shows up and offers to do it. Elena is less than thrilled to see him but allows him to compel Jeremy into thinking that Vicki left town of her own accord. Elena tells Stefan she wishes she could forget meeting him, learning about vamps, and everything that has happened since.

He takes it pretty well.

Even though she wants to forget all the hurt, she can’t because then she would lose the way she feels about Stefan. She has known him less than two months. Slow your roll chick.

Damon comes out and tells them it’s done. Elena goes back into the house, leaving the very somber Salvatores alone on the porch.

BODY COUNT: 1

Vicki Donovan, for reals.

MUSIC:

“Open Arms” by Gary Go. Elena tells Jeremy to go to school instead of looking for Vicki; Vicki calls Matt.

“Fading Light” by Final Flash. Tyler offers to help Matt search for Vicki.

“No One Sleeps When I’m Awake” by The Sounds. Vicki asks Damon why he turned her.

“To Lose My Life” by White Lies. Damon hits on Mrs. Lockwood at the Grill.

“Open Hearts” by The Longcut. Matt and Elena run into each other at the Halloween party.

“Fables” by The Dodos. Mrs. Lockwood asks Damon for vervain.

“Sleep Alone” by Bat For Lashes. Stefan and Elena search for Jeremy and Vicki at the Halloween party.

“The Weight of Us” by Sanders Bohlke. Damon erases Jeremy’s memory.

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