Recap That Noise: Vampire Diaries, 1.03 Friday Night Bites

Caroline awakens next to Damon in bed. She looks in the mirror and sees the bloody bite mark on her neck. She glances anxiously at the sleeping Damon and attempts to sneak out of the room. Not so fast my peppy blonde friend! Damon sneaks up behind her and Caroline begins throwing things at him, including a lamp and a pillow. Only the pillow is covered in blood and that makes Damon thirsty, so he attacks her again.

At school Bonnie warns Elena to take things slow with Stefan. When Elena questions it, Bonnie admits that she got a bad feeling when she touched his hand at The Grill. Elena seems to brush this off, telling Bonnie that Stefan is helping her cope with being such a sad little girl. Meanwhile, Vicki invites Jeremy to a concert but he is still wounded she wanted to keep their summer fling a secret. He asks if she just slept with him for drugs and she doesn’t really give him an answer. Ouch.

Back in the quad, Stefan notices that Bonnie runs away rather quickly when he greets her and Elena. Stefan doesn’t think that Bonnie likes him (who cares?) while Elena argues that Bonnie just doesn’t know him. Tyler taunts Matt as they watch Elena and Stefan walking together. Elena invites Stefan to dinner that night so he’ll get to spend quality time with Bonnie. In an attempt to embarrass Stefan, Tyler takes the football Matt has been throwing around and launches it at the back of Stefan’s head. Thanks to his quick vampire reflexes, Stefan catches the ball with ease and throws it back to Tyler, nearly knocking him over in the process.

Elena’s face is amazing…ly horrible.

While walking through the hallway, Elena suggests that Stefan try out for the football team. Even though he loves football he isn’t into it because he doesn’t think the other guys on the team (Matt and Tyler) like him. Elena refers to him as a “mysterious loner guy” and calls herself “gloomy graveyard girl”. That Elena. Such a catchy nickname coiner.

In history class (a.k.a. the only class at MFHS), Bonnie is doodling numbers repeatedly in her notebook. Mr. Tanner tries to embarrass Elena by asking her when Pearl Harbor happened, but History Buff Stefan swoops in to save the day. He is able to answer a whole series of questions relating to historic events. Mr. Tanner is a huge dick here. He actually becomes gleeful and gives an evil cackle when he thinks Stefan the end date of the Korean War wrong. Ultimately he ends up looking like an ass when another student looks up the answer and finds that Stefan was in fact right.

Stefan sits on the bleachers alternately creeping on the football practice that Tanner is coaching and gazing at his monstrous ring. That thing really is a travesty. Meanwhile Elena joins Bonnie at cheerleading practice and invites her to dinner for get to know Stefan time. Tanner allows Stefan to try out for the team to see him get knocked on his ass. He actually says this. Out loud. To Stefan.

Matt thinks Stefan is trying to take over his team so he goes along with Tyler’s plan to have all the guys on the team gang up on him. Caroline is dropped off at cheerleading by Damon in an awesome muscle car. Elena tells Bonnie that Damon is Stefan’s brother. Damon flashes sexy eyes at Elena.

The face of my dreams.

While Elena is having trouble keeping up with the other girls, Stefan is kicking ass. Even Tanner is impressed by the skills he’s showing on the field. Matt feels guilty for going along with Tyler’s plan and apologizes to Stefan.

At the Salvatore Boarding House, Stefan walks in on Damon reading his diary. Damon mocks Stefan’s sentimentality and begins to taunt him, talking about Elena. He leaves for a date with Caroline.

In the Gilbert kitchen Elena prepares dinner while Bonnie tells her that she keeps seeing the numbers 8, 14, and 22. Elena brushes it off, saying they should play the lottery. Dinner is awkward until they begin talking about Bonnie’s witch heritage. Caroline and Damon show up unannounced with dessert. Stefan tries to stop Damon from being invited into the house but is unsuccessful.

At The Grill, Jeremy is all sad puppy over Vicki and Tyler flirting. Matt tries to bond with Jeremy over how hard it is to love Vicki but Jeremy finds it “pretty easy”.  Seriously? I don’t understand this chick’s appeal. Jeremy and Tyler get into a shoving match but Matt breaks it up.

Damon helps Elena with the dishes, providing him with an opportunity to talk about Katherine. He describes her in a pretty unflattering light which prompts Elena to ask which brother dated her first? If a guy told me his brother’s girlfriend was “very complicated and selfish and at times not very kind”, I wouldn’t assume he was boning her. Damon tells Elena she should quit cheerleading as it makes her miserable. Elena sympathizes with Damon over losing Katherine and he makes this face:

This is when I fell in love.

Bonnie, destroyer of moments, walks in with more dishes. In the other room Stefan is trying to get Caroline to remove her scarf but Damon has compelled her not to. Damon walks in and compels Caroline to help with the dishes but not before she is delightfully sassy. I also do not look like someone who does dishes. When Stefan tells Damon to leave, Damon reminds him that he has been invited in and can now come and go as he pleases.

After everyone else has gone home Elena and Stefan sits on a bed beneath a (totally awesome) horse drawing. Elena tries to reassure Stefan that the night went well. He decides that the best way to stop her from talking is a make out sesh, no tops. When Stefan’s shirt is removed he morphs into Damon which causes Elena to scream. Lucky (?) for her it was all a dream, caused by the crow on her windowsill. I gotta get me one of those.

Raise your hand if this makes you shriek in horror, said nobody ever.

The next morning a freshly showered Elena debates whether or not to quit cheerleading. Her decision making process involves her looking at a framed picture of herself in uniform that just happens to be on her dresser. Who keeps framed pictures of themselves sans friends or family? Stefan launches into a sappy voice over about whether Damon has any shreds of humanity and how he can protect Elena.

Elena meets Stefan at the game and makes a joke about being a quitter. He gets super serious and gives her an ugly locket filled with some sort of herb. They couldn’t use some of that fog budget from the pilot to purchase nice jewelry? Because Elena only loves horrible things, she asks Stefan to help her put it on. Elena refers to them as a pair even though they began dating approximately five days ago.

“Gee, thanks for the hideous locket!”

At the pep rally Mr. Tanner makes things super awkward by talking about Stefan as if he is the second coming. Tyler gets pissed and storms off the find Vicki. This leads to another Tyler/Jeremy fight. Stefan tries to break it up, receiving a deep cut across his palm, but have no fear! He is quickly healed thanks to his super vampire healing. Elena, confused that Stefan isn’t bleeding to death from the cut she saw, asks Bonnie about the strange feeling she got when she touched Stefan. Bonnie tries to brush it off but eventually gives in saying, “It’s what I imagine death to be like.”

Elena is at her car for some reason when Damon sneaks up on her. He is mildly insults Caroline which irritates Elena. She calls him out on the fact that he purposely tries to make people uncomfortable. Damon tries to compel Elena into kissing him, which doesn’t work and he winds up getting slapped. She tells him off for trying to use her to play with Stefan and storms away. This might be the first time I like Elena.

Matt and Stefan have a little man bonding session over Stefan looking out for Jeremy. Damon is skulking in the shadows, spying on Stefan. He refers to the herb in Elena’s necklace as vervain and tells Stefan he tried to compel her. Stefan thinks Damon cares too much about Elena to harm her or him which pisses Damon off so much that he kills Mr. Tanner.

In the locker room, Matt confronts Tyler about being such a dick which makes Tyler have a sad. Outside Matt find Mr. Tanner’s body. Great job not cleaning up Stefan. When Bonnie arrives at the scene she realizes that the numbers she’s been seeing all relate to Tanner’s death. Perhaps she is psychic after all?

Vicki finds Jeremy under the bleachers and tells him she didn’t just sleep with him for drugs. Elena is freaked out over the latest “animal attack” and Stefan’s disappearing hand wound.

Stefan uses his voice over to lament Damon’s lack of humanity, goodness, kindness, or love. Meanwhile Damon has sneaked into Elena’s room and is caressing her face while she sleeps. He may be gorgeous but this is still creeper behavior. Please don’t go all Twilight on us.

Full on creeper mode.

BODY COUNT: 1

Mr. Tanner

MUSIC:

“Slow Poison” by The Bravery. Elena arrives at school with Bonnie.

“Blue Day” by Darker My Love. Damon drops Caroline off at cheerleading.

“Starstrukk” by 3OH!3. Elena can’t keep up at practice.

“Strange Times” by The Black Keys. Stefan tries out for the football team.

“Can’t Fight It” by Oh Mercy. Elena prepares dinner for Bonnie and Stefan.

“You’re a Wolf” by Sea Wolf. Damon and Caroline crash dinner; Matt and Jeremy talk at The Grill.

“Papillon” by The Airborne Toxic Event. Elena meets Stefan at the game.

“Temptation” by Moby. Vicki tells Jeremy she didn’t sleep with him for drugs; Damon watches Elena sleep.

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