An Ode to Jurassic Park

I have legitimate love for Jurassic Park. Anything involving dinosaurs really, but ESPECIALLY Jurassic Park. I love the books. I love the movies (yes, even the horrible third). I love the theme park ride even if I can’t keep my eyes open when it reaches the velociraptor paddock. I have watched all the making of videos one could find on the internet and posted a “Which Jurassic Park Dinosuar Are You?” quiz on my Facebook (I’m a velociraptor). I own the freaking video game for my Super Nintendo. You know, the one that is impossible to beat.

I have dinosaurs on the brain. Constantly. Like one time I totally had this dream that I was married to Channing Tatum (which is awesome anyway) and we owned a baby t-rex named Chompers. I WANT TO KEEP A DINOSAUR AS A PET. I’m basically Hagrid from Harry Potter.

jurassicparktimesworkaholics

In honor of the greatest movie on Earth coming to 3D IMAX this week (well, second to Peter Pan), I have decided to share with you my favorite bits of Jurassic Park. Let the amazingness commence!

JURASSIC PARK AS TOLD THROUGH GIFS, VIDEO AND STILLS

This is the coolest movie poster ever. I love how subtle the animation is while still being awesome.

JurassicPark-AnimatedPoster

Shoot her! Shoot her!

If Hammond had paid Nedry a decent wage, none of these shenanigans would have happened.

A most glorious sight. Also, how much do you think it would cost me to get that same paint job on my Taurus? Jurassic Park station wagon? That would be totally awesome.

gate

It’s on bitches!

itson

Throw in a fist pump and I would react the exact same way if I saw a dinosaur.

Birth of the most majestic and fearsome creature ever born. After myself.

birth

birth2

My future husband brings up a good point while looking like a rock-star mathematician. And you didn’t think such a thing existed.

ianmalcolmlifefindsaway

I grew up hating little kids (even when I was one) but I think I’d be okay with this one. Even if he is mildly annoying in the beginning, he knows a shit ton about dinos, doesn’t cry when he almost gets smashed by a Jeep falling from a tree, and can survive getting shocked by an electric fence. Pretty badass.

It looks like a mound of dirt to me. I’d probably let children play in it.

pileof

Dinosaurs just want to be hugged.

tric

Allow me to introduce myself…

futuremrsexmalcolm

Now shit it starting to get real. Really real.

jurassic_park_did_you_feel_that

Where is the goat? Oh, right here.

Never shine a flashlight in the eye of a T-Rex. It’s just bad manners.

rexeye

I don’t know why they’re so upset. The T-Rex is only the second most frightening dinosaur (sorry, it’s true).

trexattack

He should have just gone in his pants. At this point, who would have cared?

toilet

Badass neck frill isn’t scientifically accurate but still amazing. Peace out Nedry.

dilophasaurus

The object in the mirror has never looked so terrifying.

rexmirror

trexcrashthroughtree

There are worse things to fall asleep to.

brachiosaurus

Would you really blame her after a T-Rex almost bit her arms off?

nevertryanythingnew

 Gallimimus herd action.

Gallimimus

blood

Just jump down. It’ll be cool, I promise.

jump

Peek a boo!

lauradernraptor

Clever girl.

clevergirl

Best reactions to lurking raptors?

jellojiggle

raptorcreeping

Oh shit, you better hope that super intelligent raptor doesn’t know how to turn on ovens.

raptorkitchendoor

rexkitchen1

ovendoor

Poor raptor was trying to have a snack. How would you like it is a T-Rex bit you in half when you were enjoy a delicious Girl Scout cookie?

rexeatsraptor

rexrulesearth

Best theme song ever.

BONUS!

Take the Buzzfeed quiz to find out which Jurassic Park dinosaur you are: Which “Jurassic Park” Dinosaur Are You? I’ll be your BFF if you get velociraptor.

raptor

Hello, clever girl! Congrats, because when it comes to brains you got ‘em all. Not only are you whip smart, but you also make a point of only hanging out with other smarties. That’s probably how you manage to win in almost every situation. Because when the going gets tough, you rely on your quick thinking and killer instincts to guide you. Turns out, they’re usually right.

MORE BONUS!

kills

EVEN MORE BONUS!

This is pretty much the best fan made poster I’ve ever seen. I want it painted on a wall in my future home. Someone make it happen!

mfjurassic2

FINAL BONUS!

Emma Butler made this poster. It is all the things.

jurassicPark

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